TOP GUN: BACK TO MY ROOTS

LOVE&HATE

i sat on the car in silence
"you feeling okay" jake asked me, although i'm certain he knew i wouldn't answer
he reached his hand over and took mine
i didn't pull away, i just held it
when he pulled into my driveway we sat there for a moment
"what's are you thinking?" this is often a thing we both asked one another when something was wrong
"your going on the mission in two weeks" i said
he nodded lightly
"maybe i shouldn't be getting this close to any of you" there wasn't much emotion in my voice
"you can't change your feelings Y/N"
"i will if i have to, thank you'd let the ride jake"
as i stepped out of the car and headed inside i could feel myself breaking, i had fallen for bradley, jake was my best friend, but they could be gone in two weeks time, the mission was dangerous, someone wasn't coming back from it, me and dad both knew that, we just didn't know who
i laid on my bed, tears streamed down my face although i swear i couldn't feel anything
my phone was vibrating, filling up from texts
from bradley, from jake, from dad, who i'm sure had no idea what was going on at the moment even some from pheonix, although i wouldn't know until the next morning when dad woke me up
"hey kiddo" he was sitting on my bed
"dad?" the sun shone through my windows
"what time is it?"
"it's 2:00, i came to get you this morning and you had a fever, i could also tell you didn't have the best night" he pointed to my pillow which had been streaked with mascara marks and tear stains
i put my head in my hands "i'm sorry, what did i miss"
dad wasn't looking at me, he seemed sad
"dad what's going on?" i put a hand on his back
"it's ice Y/N, he's gone" a tear fell from his eyes
he handed me a single piece of paper which read:

Admiran: Thomas "ICEMAN" Kazansky
Pronounced dead September 27th 4:00 AM
funeral service will be held September 28th 9:00AM-12:00 PM

i let myself cry i hadn't lost anyone like this before
"i'll give you some space" he got up placing a kiss on my forehead "i'm leaving to go with penny in about 15 minuets, you going to be okay?" i just nodded not being able to find the words, after he closed he door i let out a small sob.
was i going to be okay?
i was hurting so much, i felt like i couldn't breath like i was being crushed
everything that had happened yesterday and now this
i needed something, someone to take my mind off of everything
i took a deep breath before changing my close and getting in the car
i don't remember the drive, but as i pulled up to jakes apartment i thanked god that he was now living  alone
i knocked on the door and he answered it
"Y/N what are you doing here are you okay?" help placed a hand on my face and i let my emotions take over
i pulled him i towards me and started kissing him

i don't remember a lot of what happened between there and jakes bed
i remember him going down on me
i remember him telling me he couldn't make himself take my virginity
i remember him kissing me, everywhere he could
i remember him telling me he loved me and he was sorry that he did

i woke up around 10 PM
wrapped in one of jakes shirts and a pair of his boxers
i knew i didn't sleep with him, but damn did i look fucked
i threw my hair into a ponytail and made my way downstairs where i found him passed out on the couch
i shook him awake
"jake?" i asked as he woke up
"oh Y/N i'm sorry, i came down to take a phone call i must've fallen asleep, how are you feeling" he asks me as he pulled my into his lap
"better, thanks" i asked as i rested my head on his chest
"who called you?" i asked
"rooster" he said blankly
my heart stopped
"it's okay" he put a hand on my back holding me
"he just wanted to know if you were okay and where you were, said he stopped by your house and you weren't there" i looked up at him
"i didn't say anything, just that i knew where you were and that you were safe"
i pulled him into a hug
"thank you jake"
"your welcome, and i'm sorry for everything i said today" i knew what he meant, he was referring to him confessing his feelings
"it's okay jake, i'm not mad"
"i know"
"but" i trailed off
"it could never happen between us, and we're just friends. i've come to terms with that awhile ago kid" i rolled my eyes at him
"do you want to stay here?" he asked
i thought for moment
"no there's some things i need to take care of" i kissed him on the check before standing up

after i had gathered my things i left jakes house and stared  driving home
i kept jakes shirt although i did give him his boxers back
as i pulled into the driveway i noticed dads car still wasn't back yet
i pulled out my phone to several calls and texts from bradley
i called his phone
"hello?"
"hey"
"oh my god, where have you been i've been so worried Y/N i'm so sorry" i cut him off
"i'm home now brad. can you come over?"
"yes i will come right now"
i hung up the phone, as much as yesterday hurt me, i needed to make things right with bradley he was the person i needed right now, the person o knew i needed to be with
after about ten minuets i heard a soft knock on the door
i opens it to a crying bradley
"Y/N im so-im so sorry, i can't lose you not again please"
i pulled go into a hug
"and you called me a drama queen" we both laughed
"so you don't hate me" he said as he stared into my eyes, god was i a sucker for those perfect green eyes
"no bradley. i love you." i said as my eyes started to water, i'd never told anyone that before
he smiled at me
"i love you too" he pulled me in and kissed me