Lydia

One

Dear Journal,
Hi. It's me, Lydia. I have just recently bought you at the dollar store, down the street. I am told by my therapist I need something that will help get things off of my mind. So you appeared in my life. So... here goes my feels.
Well... I am 22 years old. I live in London, England. I am alone. I am depressed. How can I keep this hidden? I feel like the longer I live I want to die. I have no friends nor family. They are all dead. My best friend never made it over seas with me. She killed herself. Apparently, my caring words were not strong enough to keep her, in flesh, alive. Here on earth, I just exist. I survive. I am trying to finish my charity project for school. But, I am about to give up. I have dreams. Bad dreams. I see Sam standing there in the middle of the highwa-

That is all Lydia could write before she shut the book. She threw it in the drawer and walked away.It would not be the first time she gave up on help. Sam was her best friend. She was 18 when she committed suicide on June 15th. That was her 18th birthday. Sam suffered from social anxiety and crippling depression. Lydia spent over 3 years trying to convince Sam to get help. Sam never listened. Lydia tried so hard that she fell hard with her death.

Lydia moved on a year after Sam's funeral. Lydia spoke at the funeral. Everyone blamed her. She did too. Lydia then started having dreams about Sam's death, even though she was not there to witness it. It was 5 o'clock in the morning when the family called her mom to let her know they found Sam's body in the middle of the median on the highway. She was hit head on by a mini van. Lydia did not actually cry until three days after the funeral, when she forgot about Sam's death. Lydia was on her way to the flight to England and she stopped at Sam's house to pick her up. As soon as she stepped on the second step it hit her hard. Sam was never going to run out and hug her ever again. Sam was never going to call her and tell her lame jokes just to make her happy before she went to bed. Sam was never going to exist anymore. Lydia went in the house and cried on Sam's bed until midnight that night.

This was not reality for Lydia. When Sam and Lydia first met in kindergarten, they promised each other if one dies the other dies too. They were only five.

Lydia forgot about that when she figured that killing yourself was more of a trendy thing. She hated trends. She thought everyone wanted people to kill them selves. There would be no more.