Wonders

daydreaming

I am a vessel of memories and hopes
I dream and I yearn but time is too scarce to slow down to live
reminiscing is choking me, drowning me in my past and the surface is too far away
when the past slips out of my reach, I search for the future
the memories are set in stone but the future is endless, free

I romanticize what never happened and twist it into a rose-colored, idealistic world
as if struggles only exist in the now and everything before and after is a utopia

4-year old me knew nothing of the world
present me knows so much yet so little
she still lives within me,
yet now she's tainted with years of more experiences and even if she's not gone,
it will never be the same as when I had but a mere three years of life lived and knew nothing of the tragedy the world held

so I'm sorry for not living in the moment
I do not know how to
and it is ruining me
but I can't stop
because now never feels enough