Summer of Sorrow ✅

Ch. 3 Hurt

Drift's P.O.V.
I sit on the couch, looking at pictures while listening to music. The more I've listened to this song, the more I think this is talking about someone who lost the battle with depression, but it's still how I think, watching Jamie struggle.

I don't even know just how bad it hurts
I hate that I get sad as I watch you go through worse
And all these days you've had alone
Learning things you shouldn't know, mmh
I'll never know
And if I could
I would take it all away from you for good
I'd weather every storm that you withstood
The nights your lights flickered or fell asleep with old pictures

"Drift?" I barely hear Crosshairs and didn't know tears are rolling down my face, "what's wrong?" Crosshairs asks after removing an ear pod. Not caring, he just took that out of my ear; he puts it in his ear to hear the song, immediately looking displeased. He sighs and sits on the couch, and hugs me. I don't know if he feels the same way daily, but what good is it to ask him?

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
I hope this vacation helps him and Jamie. We're all worried that any vacation could end in a disaster. It's been hard to watch Jamie hurt, and there's nothing I can do. Then see Drift hating how he can't help the girl he loves. To give her what they both want. I also think about how Lightning wants to know what's going on, and I don't want her to feel like she can't help. Bad enough, she worries we could lose Jamie.
I realize Drift is looking at pictures taken a few years ago. Realizing why this hurts. It's been so long since we've seen Jamie happy. 
"Go take a shower," I insist and take Drift's phone away.
Drift sighs before getting up and getting clothes. It's the only thing I can think of to get him to relax. I text Lightning to watch Jamie but to sit on the couch because Drift is taking a shower before leaving the room.

".... I will not be gone all summer," I hear Lily on the phone, "you remember Jamie? It's complicated, I'm sorry."
Lily sighs after ending the call.
"Drift, and I can take Jamie to the house," I tell her.
"No, I want to go with you guys. I don't know if Jamie will be ok with Veronica going. I think those two aren't friends yet, and with how Jamie is..."
"We still need to decide when we're leaving. How about Monday?" Lily agrees, and we inform Optimus, Lennox, and Prowl.

We get approval quickly and tell the others coming on this trip minus Drift. I'll tell him when I return to the room if Lightning has said nothing.
"Now you have a few days with Veronica. You're right; it's better if she still spends time with Jamie here. You understand how complicated Jamie is."
"Yes, and I was hoping her dimension would have done better with bullying. I guess not."
We can't decide on a day to end the vacation, and this is ok, but a month is our limit. We inform Cade and Vivian of the plan.

Drift tells me we're taking Jamie home on Saturday. He shows me Jamie's phone and the texts telling her that her niece is coming over. We both hate feeling worried about a little girl coming over.
"You don't think....?" Drift asks me.
I don't know what to say. I worry Jamie is upset enough that seeing the kids hurts.
I don't care if that's considered ridiculous; humans don't get it. We can't keep Jamie from going home, which will cause more problems. 
"Can I come? Even if it's to play with the little girl."
We agree to let Lightning come with us.

Cade's P.O.V.
Memories of the nightmare situation haunt me, hearing Vivian tell me about the paper Jamie wants to sign. I think just hearing she wants to be dead does it. Fear that I can't revive Jamie if I were to be the one trying. Now to think I could be told to do nothing but let her die. How bad does Ratchet feel? 
Vivian and I agree only to tell Cogman, hoping he can help keep Jamie safe.
"Glad we could set up a room for all three to stay in and Lightning if she wants," Vivian comments. "I only worry that they'll avoid sleep. are you ok?"
"I'm fine," I lie.
It's not like she can take back what she said.
I hope. Crosshairs and Drift are doing ok. Hoping this is not a sign of how the vacation will be.

".... she doesn't talk much," I hear Crosshairs telling Optimus, Lennox, and Ratchet.
"Then Sideswipe is right," Ratchet sighs, "we know mutism means never talking, but this is damn close."
They acknowledge I'm here, not concerned about how much of the conversation I could have heard. Before Ratchet can continue, we see Drift and Jamie. The conversation is over, except for Ratchet and me.
"What has you spoked?" He asks.
"Uh... Vivian found out and told me about.... the paper. I am certain she's not telling everyone but rather warning me. Also, Cogman, when we get back to the house."
"I have to sign the paper as well, and I refuse. I'd rather hide the paper than argue with Jamie."
I've never heard of someone struggling mentally to want to sign a DNR. This is terrifying. Even if the paper hasn't been signed. The concern about Jamie looking to seriously hurt herself. I hope she can't get to the lab with the chemical samples, hoping to trigger a severe flare-up, or where the drugs are kept in the medbay.

There are a few Autobots and soldiers in the cafeteria at one in the afternoon. Lily and the terror twins among them. I see Optimus, Prowl, and Ratchet at a table talking. 
What's strange is that while this room is about twenty-five percent full, a soldier aims to cause trouble. I watch them get in Jamie's way.
"What is an unstable brat like you doing here?!" They ask, "and why the fuck would Autobots babysit you? Or even humans?! How the hell can Drift love you?! They should lock you up! Go ahead, fight me! Show everyone here why you should be locked up!"
"That's all you can say?" Jamie asks, "weak, compared to everything else I've heard, you're weak."
Shit, what else has she heard to think is nothing to her?
We watch Jamie punch the soldier, but I've heard how she knows a different way to fight. Paralyzing her target, but it's temporary. The soldier goes down, and Jamie rushes out of the cafeteria. Crosshairs and Drift immediately go after her.
"That bitch hurt me! I'm paralyzed!" The soldier complains, "she's violent and needs to be locked up!"
"Do you want me to show you violent?!" Sunstreaker asks.
"Stand down, Sunstreaker!" Prowl orders.
He and Ratchet take the soldier to the medbay.
Everyone else is worried; where did Jamie go? She can get to the weapons room even if her security clearance has changed.
"Shit, go find her, Sunstreaker!" Lily insists.
"No, it's better to limit who sees Jamie for now," Optimus insists.
Knowing Sunstreaker, he'll deal with the soldier later, and I think I agree with him.
This vacation can't come soon enough. Not like it'll be some kind of cure for Jamie's mental struggle, but I think it'll help.