Summer of Sorrow ✅

Ch. 9 I'm Failing Her

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
"I know I said I'd leave, and you'll be back tomorrow, but..."
"I know," I hug Lightning, "it sucks how little we can help Dift and Jamie."
We look at Drift and Jamie sleeping for a while before Lightning leaves. I watch her walk to Jamie's base to open a portal.
I don't want you to know about the DNR, Lightning. I sigh and go back to bed, but I cannot go back to sleep. I lay in bed looking at pictures of my two friends and a few I took without them knowing.
What the frag can I do besides watch them hurt?

Drift looks at me when he wakes up. I watch him get out of bed, wraps Jamie in the sheet she's using, carry her over here and sit on the bed holding Jamie. I don't ask why he's doing this. It's odd, but also... I don't know the word because we both know Jamie will probably struggle when she wakes up. Is the only time Jamie will be relaxed when she's asleep? Or does she have unwanted dreams about getting what she wants? Sure, those would be great dreams, but I know the pain of realizing it was only a dream.
Drift is already having a hard time knowing Jamie will be upset today. I can't say anything.
"Meow!"
"Piggy," I comment while getting out of bed.
"He is," Drift smiles.
I tell Drift I'll get tea for him while getting coffee for Jamie and me, and hers should stay hot with the stainless steel travel cup she's been using. We know Jamie won't eat when she wakes up, so I will make breakfast for Drift and me.

Drift's P.O.V.
The cat jumps on the bed, demanding to be patted - or thinks he's not getting fed, so he's telling me to go get food.
"What are we going to do?" I ask. The cat rubs his head on my hand, "want a human sibling?" I didn't think the cat would jump off the bed, "not taking that as a no, piggy."
I doubt Jet is seriously telling me 'no' by jumping off the bed. I can't stop thinking I'm not giving my girl what she wants. No matter how much I tell myself that things will not end well, this doesn't change the feeling that I'm failing my girl.

"We need a tray," Crosshairs comments while carrying our cups, "at least Jamie's cup has a lid," he takes her cup out of his deep trench coat pocket, "and our subspace keeps things still."
He gets breakfast out of his subspace.
We could make Jamie's breakfast, but we know she won't eat. We'd rather not force her to. I will not ask why he didn't put everything in his subspace. I can eat with one hand, not caring; I could put Jamie back on her bed.
"I don't know how we can help her," I comment, breaking the silence.
"Do you think telling Ratchet, Rung and Optimus will help?"
"No, I don't think arranging something like making sure somebot is with her will help. I don't even feel like convincing Jamie to live with us will help."
"Don't even say it. There are things to work on, but I'm sure we can deal with it."
"No," I feel tears forming, "you don't get it; unlike us, human femmes can't have babies until they die. Research for yourself. Thirty is the end of the femme human body's ability to get pregnant. Some are lucky..."

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
I don't want to believe this, I want to call bullshit, but I know Drift researched. I'm tempted to tell him to talk to Jasmine, but we don't want anyone else to know this. I'm unsure if telling a few others will help us deal with the issues we need to deal with more sufficiently. Quicker might not be possible.

After we eat, Drift lays Jamie back on the bed, grabs clothes, and goes to take a shower. I quickly get dressed before Jamie wakes up.
The cat looks at me, not pleased.
"Then close your eyes."
Like the cat is going to listen to me. He gets off the bed and goes into his box. I only put shorts and socks on. Once I'm done, I watch Jamie move. Her expression is concerning. I was hoping I was wrong about the dreams as I watch tears roll down her face. I lay on the bed and take her hand, hoping she'll wake up, but I don't scare her.
She wakes up and stares at me with tears rolling down her face.
Sitting up, I move her into my lap and hug her.
I hate how she silently cries. It's going to be another rough day.

Jamie oked throughout the day. Drift seemed more troubled today than her. As planned, we go to the training grounds as the sun sets. The clearing is large, and we can see the stars. We're set up a little before it's dark. Jamie is asleep by nine. Which is rare. I know the look on Drift's face as he holds Jamie.
We know depression makes humans tired, and as for us, we burn through our Energon faster.
Drift and I decide to sit by the fire for a while.
There's nothing to talk about aside from what we have been discussing all weekend.
Drift has me hold Jamie, and he walks into the darkness. I doubt he'll go far.

Drift's P.O.V.
I don't go far before sitting by a tree and letting myself cry. I am so tired of not being able to help my girl.
Lily: um, so are we cutting the drive out? Lightning told the terror twins and me that Jamie isn't doing good.
Drift: I don't know. I'm tired of not being able to help her.
I cry in the dark.