Summer of Sorrow ✅

Ch. 20 Some Holiday This is

Drift's P.O.V.
I've been doing ok — we've been doing ok — for the past four days. Crosshairs and I let the others sit by Jamie during the day. They try to get me to leave the room without sounding forceful. It's been four days. Even though this is mild, Jamie's body still takes a week to fight the flare-up. She'll be missing what humans call the fourth of July. Last year was the first time we celebrated with other Autobots and soldiers. Last year was the first year we weren't dealing with scrap. We won't have the fireworks show Hound, Que and Wheeljack put on.
We've already been seeing fireworks shows on the lake.

I sit by the bed, holding Jamie's hand. Even though she's been stable, this is hard to watch. Crosshairs hugs me from behind.
"Are you really doing ok?" He asks.
"I always worry she'll decline, but I'm fine. You?"
"Same, but I find it hard to believe you're not thinking about the other issues."
"I've been more bothered by how this is happening. I know it's out of our control and Jamie's, but..."
Crosshairs sighs and kisses Jamie's forehead before leaving the room.

I see why he kinda sees Jamie as our daughter. Add how he's always loved me.
I smile at how we can think of our relationship with each other and Jamie. Doesn't matter how we think of our relationship; this is never easy to watch. I didn't tell Crosshairs, and I'm terrified this will worsen.

Crosshairs returns with a tray with breakfast for both of us. The nightstand is bare and has been a table for the past four days. With nothing to talk about, the room is silent. Ok, there's plenty to talk about, but while this isn't serious, we don't want to talk about anything else until Jamie wakes up. It's not like we can do any planning. Who knows how she'll be when she wakes up? Is it bad that I hope her mood resets and she's hopefully happy for the rest of the vacation? I wish she wouldn't struggle mentally, but it's been out of our control.
"I'll come back," we hear Hound say.
"It's fine, get your aft in here," Crosshairs comments.
Even though Crosshairs and I can care for Jamie, we let Hound check on her. I think he does this to know she's ok, but we're not training the others in medical care unless absolutely necessary. Then I realize, where's Cade? Crosshairs told me how he accidentally found out about the DNR situation and has been terrified that he'll be told to let Jamie die. I can't believe I failed to make sure he's doing ok.

Cade's P.O.V.
I've dreamt that I was told to let Jamie die two nights in a row. No one knows about the nightmare. I can't see Jamie. I did with everyone else when Crosshairs and Drift told us what was happening, and then the nightmare started with a break last night. Some vacation this is turning out for them. I hate thinking we're all a family, yet there's not much I can do to help them.

I sit on the balcony by my room, looking towards the lake. There should have been beach days, but we're worried about Jamie.
"Cade?" I hear Drift but ignore him. Resulting in hearing his footsteps getting closer to me, "Cade, she'll be ok. I know it's hard to watch her go through this, and with the DNR situation..."
He's doing a terrible job trying to convince me that Jamie will be ok. He wants me to see her.

I've learned enough about Jamie's condition to know that I'm looking at stable vitals, and she should wake up in three days — funny, it's always perfectly seven days — but I think about the nightmare situation and how she wants a DNR in her file.
"Cade?" I hear Drift before feeling dizzy, "Cade!"

Drift's P.O.V.
I didn't think he'd pass out, but I was close to him to keep him from falling onto the floor.
Hound and Optimus rush in. Quickly helping me get Cade onto Crosshairs' bed before he wakes up.
"Cade, I've been watching Jamie deal with this for twenty years. While knowing how bad her condition can be, you can't worry," Optimus explains, "Ratchet refuses to put the DNR in her file," something Hound didn't know about, scrap. Hound looks shocked as he hears this, "no one else is to know," he adds, looking at Hound, who nods, "Jamie is complicated, but she will not like knowing how much we worry about her."
I don't think Cade will stop worrying that one day, he'll be trying to get Jamie's heart to start again, even if it's unlikely to happen.
Hound has Cade help with setting up fireworks, hoping to distract him. I think about how much everyone worries about Jamie and how much we all care about her, but she still feels alone.

Optimus Prime's P.O.V.
Drift leaves the room as I sit by Jamie.
"I wish I knew how we could show you how much we love you," I say out loud as if Jamie can hear me.
I know even the others are worried, but they're doing better by keeping busy. They didn't watch Jamie die several times and be revived.

Lily stands in the doorway, uncertain if she can come in. I tell her it's ok. She stands by the bed and takes Jamie's hand.
She says nothing, but I think she's still shocked at what Jamie goes through. I hope she never sees a severe flare-up.

Once it's dark out, we gather on the beach. Jamie is small enough that Drift could carry her, and Crosshairs carries the oxygen concentrator, but I'd rather they not do that. I let them watch the fireworks from the balcony along with Lightning. 

Drift's P.O.V.
It's a challenge with the medical equipment. Still, Crosshairs, Lightning, and I decide we want Jamie with us even if she likely won't even hear the fireworks, even with the research about humans in comas hearing people around them. I sit on the rocking chair that's moved by the railing. Rocking Jamie as we watch the fireworks.

Optimus Prime's P.O.V.
"I don't know why, but it's just not the same without her," I hear Sideswipe.
"I think we're all still thinking, why now? It would be great if she were cured, but why a flare-up now during our vacation?" Inferno adds.
"Even while knowing she's stable," Hound adds.
It's been twenty-one years — though with the scrap we've dealt with, and I do not know what Bulma has been dealing with — I feel like Jamie can't be cured. The best we have is rare severe flare-ups, and that's better than the early years with this condition. It's wise to focus on something a little more in our control, but I hope one day Jamie will be cured of this condition.