Summer of Sorrow ✅

Ch. 22 Afternoon Outside

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
Optimus wants everyone out of the house today since no one was in the mood to do anything outside for a week. Though this isn't an order, I suspect he'll make everyone go outside. We'd likely be exempt, but Drift and II are taking her outside. Though Drift doesn't seem sure.

The others are on the beach while we're in the yard. We made it outside at noon, so we asked Cogman to make sandwiches. I didn't think he'd give me a lunchbox after adding three cans of root beer that he got from the freezer.

I don't like how Jamie looks as I approach my friends. Still full of sadness.
"Ewe, tuna," I comment, trying to sound disgusted.
The best I get is a smile. Jamie would always laugh at my sarcasm. Though I am not a fan of tuna. To my surprise, Cogman made me a steak and cheese sub.

Everything is fine for ten minutes before we see tears. Drift points to the hammock the three of us can't lay on. We just finished our lunch. By the time we clean up, Jamie is crying. I watch Drift carry her to the hammock before returning to the house to take care of the trash.

Sunstreaker and Lily are in the kitchen when I walk into the house. I have no time to hide my displeased expression before they see me. Both looking at me, concerned. Sunstreaker is making food for them. Rather than go somewhere else for ten minutes, I sit on a barstool at the island with them after taking care of the trash.

Lily, Sunstreaker, and I find Drift and Jamie asleep in the hammock. Lily smiles as Sunstreaker takes a picture. I don't have to wait long after the two leave for Drift to wake up. Neither noticing the obvious signs Jamie was crying before she fell asleep, and Drift must have fallen asleep. I'll come back in an hour.

Drift is awake when I return an hour later.
"I'm never walking away while she's crying again," I comment, "that's no better than hearing it. Knowing what's upsetting her lately is hard to ignore, even if there's nothing I can do to help her."
I hold Jamie bridal style to allow Drift to get out of the hammock. Thinking about hearing her cry. It's hard because it looks random, but she's thinking about things that hurt her. It's difficult not to. Whether it's traumatic memories or thinking about things, she wants but feels like it'll never happen.
"I don't know what to do," Drift says as he takes Jamie from me and walks away.

Drift's P.O.V.
My heart aches whenever Jamie cries, but I know we must work on things first. I don't think anyone else will understand why the sudden crying. It's complicated and more than the one desire Jamie has. Though I suspect she has more. We know she goes back and forth between wanting a puppy and not wanting to go through the pain of losing the dog, even if it's fourteen years later.
While thinking about all this, I feel dizzy and think I'm going to throw up.

I didn't know Crosshairs walked into the room until he helps me into the bathroom, closing the door behind us. I barely make it to the toilet to throw up. Why did Ratchet program our holoforms to be this accurate?
"Calm down; we'll get through this."
Once I'm done throwing up — for now — Crosshairs has me lay on the floor, but not for long before I need to throw up again.
After throwing up again, Crosshairs hugs me.

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
I don't know what's worse; that this is causing him to be sick enough to throw up or the trembling. I wait a few minutes before leading Drift to the bed and having him lie down. Moving the trash bin by the bed just in case and getting his water bottle from the mini-fridge. Making sure he drinks a little water before putting the water bottle on the nightstand and laying on my bed, wishing the issues we must deal with were easy to fix.
This is not what we had in mind for a vacation,  considering being more relaxed is why we're thinking about all this.
Drift moves Jamie closer to him and closes his eyes. I doubt a nap will reset his mood.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, and go downstairs to watch T.V., hoping to relax and not worry about my friends as they sleep.

I watch Lily and Sideswipe play video games, but I can't stop thinking about how to help my friends. Or even just Jamie and her mental state.
"We need to plan a beach day," I hear Lily, realizing she's looking at me.
"Most of the Autobots were on the beach today, remember?" Sideswipe asks.
"Uh... I mean, just the seven of us, you know?"
We all know Lily means the twins, herself, Drift, Jamie, myself, and Lightning. I still can't believe how much she understands Jamie's mental struggle.
"I don't know...," I tell her.
"I say the pending plan, but the three of us will go to the beach anyway," Sunstreaker suggests.

Drift isn't sure about going to the beach, and I think he'd rather stay in the room for privacy while Jamie is like this. I know he's worried the others will see her cry, and I'm concerned about his stress level and if he'll get sick like earlier. It's hard to get the balance between not upsetting Jamie and making her she's not staying away from everyone.
"I doubt she'll be easy to get to engage in something like building a sand castle," Drift sighs.
I don't think our friends will care. I can't get used to how much Drift has changed. He's still positive about everything else but his relationship with Jamie. Seems minor, but not when you know how much he worries. I suspect that he'd be the same if we were together. I don't think it has to go with how Jamie is human.

Jamie doesn't refuse as Drift carries her outside. The problem is that she feels like she can't decide on anything; we'll force her. It's tricky because we don't want to force her to do anything, but we can't let her stay in the room.
"How much damage is done?" Sunstreaker asks. Most of the others stand with him, concerned.
I sigh, not wanting to say anything. Drift and I didn't talk about telling the others about the scrap Jamie is dealing with. 
"You don't want to know."
That should tell them enough, but no, they want to know specifics.
"Enough!" We hear Lightning, "you all know how hard it is to watch Jamie struggle without knowing everything!"
After hearing a few frustrating sighs, everyone leaves. Lighting and I go outside.

We are close enough to hear Lily trying to get Jamie to make a sand castle with her, but she gives up. 
"I know depression makes her like that, but I've never seen her like that," Lightning sighs.
I'm about ready to tell Drift we're taking Jamie home. I don't know if she'll be any better. This might be a good decision for the others.