The thought of you

Ch. 9

The day that Eddie was released, Steve knew something he had said upset Eddie, though he didn't want to push to hard on the topic, as it may upset him...he would just ask about it, that wouldn't be bad, right?

"So, Eddie, are you okay? You just seemed a little upset in the hospital." Steve asked with a very noticeable caution.

"I mean, you just send mixed signals. Right now, you're worried if I'm alright and are very intent on how I feel. Other times though, you're very distant or you just push away from me." Eddie said.

"What am I confusing you about? I'm not seeing what's confusing about a friend checking on a friend." Steve really didn't want to seem agitated, so he said it in a very calm and positive voice.

"Nothing, Steve, nothing. Let's just get home, because now that I'm not wanted, I can get a job and I can go to appointments to get better." Eddie leaned his head against the car window and attempted to drift to sleep.

Steve, however, was far from relaxed or tired, he was restless. He didn't know what was confusing Eddie, and why it was so upsetting to him.

"Ed's, listen, I'm not going to push for a real reason, but I will say that I really don't know what I did, and why I'm confusing you." Steve said, barely above a whisper.

Eddie raised his head a little just to acknowledge him.

-

When the pair got back to Steve's house, Eddie got in the shower real quick., while Steve tried to figure out what was confusing and upsetting Eddie.

Steve went to Eddie's room because he couldn't find something in his own room, but he ended up just sitting on Eddie's bed. He wasn't sure about why Eddie was acting offended.

The door opened, Steve jumped up off the bed and just kind of stood there. He didn't know how to act when a shirtless, only a towel wrapped around his waist, wet, covered in tattoos and somewhat healed scars, man walked into the room. He was basically drooling.

"What...are you doing in here, Harrington?" Eddie sounded almost playful, but it definitely had seriousness behind it.

"I...I was...I was-I came in here...this used to be like...storage," Steve choked. Seeing Eddie like that made him feel things he doesn't think he's allowed to feel for another guy.

"Yeah..? What's that got to do with it now, Sweetheart?" Eddie asked.

The nickname made Steve just about faint, he felt his face and neck become as red as a tomato, he didn't know he had enough blood in his body for it to be that distributed.
"I-There was something...I couldn't find-in-in my room." Steve was a mess, his eyes wandering around trying to stay at the dark haired man's upper half, but it's becoming increasingly more difficult with each second.

"Yeah, okay I'll let you get dressed." Steve pushed past the man who was seemingly amused, yet unaware at the other man's current train of thought.

Steve had no idea what all of that was about, but damn, he had never been so attracted to man. He needed help from a professional.

He called Robin, of course.

-

"Come on, please answer me." He twirled the cord like a teenage girl calling her crush.

"Hello?"

"Rob, thank god. Are you free right now? I know you guys were over just a couple of days ago, but I need help. A lot of it."

"Steve? Jesus, it's like 4:00 AM right now, Dingus."

"Robin, I wouldn't call you at a time like this if it wasn't urgent. I have questions that I need to have answered if I'm going to continue living." Steve ran his hands through his hair with an aggressive force.

"Okay, well, you'll have to come get me." She said matter-of-factly.

"Done. I'll be there in 10." Steve said with a slam of his phone.

-

Robin was in the car prying for him to tell her what he was freaking out about.

"Okay! Jeez Rob. Was there a point in your life where you...liked guys?" He started.

"Not really, it's always been girls. But that's not really relevant, why are you freaking out and why did you bring up my sexual preference?" She hounded for answers.

"So, you've always been...gay?"

"Steve! We're not here to talk about me!"

"Answer the question Rob! Please, I don't know what to do but since you're the only person that I know who's gay, I thought maybe you'd be able to help!"

Robins eyes widened and she seemed to shut up real quick.
"Yeah. I've always been gay." She finally said.

"How do you know if someone else is gay?" He asked.

"Steve, can I ask you something?"

Steve, who had a feeling he knew what she was going to ask, was holding back tears when he nodded.

"Steve, are you asking me this just to know or are you feeling a way you don't know is okay to feel?" Robin said it with the most gentle and loving tone anyone could have ever heard...and with that Steve broke. He finally cried, he didn't know if he was allowed to feel this way, but hearing his best friend say that it's okay for him to feel this, gave him a sense of hope.

He nodded through broken sobs, his knuckles turned white on the steering wheel, he was crying because he was sad but also comforted and confused, he hated showing people how he felt, but at the same time he wanted to show everyone that real men don't give a fuck.

"Steve, you know it's okay to like a guy. And you know it's okay to like a girl. You know that it's okay to like both, right?" The most patient and motherly voice Steve had heard...came from his best friend.

"Well...yeah. I know but I didn't think I did." Steve said.

"Well, a lot feel that way until they find the right person. Or some people don't feel that way, some people had always known." Robin explained.

"Thanks. It means a lot." Steve took a deep breath and continued driving, tears dying, hands steadying, breathing regulating, and his thoughts slowing down.