Addicted (Billy Hargrove)

- seventeen -

- Billy Hargrove -

Song: Spit of You by Sam Fender

That little shit beat me pretty good, I gotta give him that. I healed my wounds quickly though as I always do and covered the more severe ones. On Sunday I just sat in my thoughts, since I knew going to Stacey's house would obviously not be a good idea.

I walk up to Stacey who is standing at her locker before first period on Monday. Her head is low and she looks like something is bothering her, which is expected after what happened on Saturday.

"Hey gorgeous" I say softly as I walk up to her. "How are you doing?" I go to wrap my arms around her waist but she pulls away.

"Billy, you need to go away" she says as she scans who is around us.

"Steve isn't around" I tell her. I checked before I came over to her.

"I know but I told him-"

"Wait, you're serious?" I ask her. She looks me in the eyes with sympathy but she nods her head.

"Look i'm sorry but-"

I stomp off, anger filling my veins and I walk out of the school, pulling a cigarette out of my pocket and lighting it. The smoke doesn't cover up the anger as I hoped it would, so I get in my camaro and drive away. This will definitely get me in trouble, but that is the least of my concerns at the moment. I need to clear my head.

🚬🚬🚬

I go back to the field Stacy took me to a couple weeks back. It's a quiet place where the flowers blow in the wind. The white dandelions remind me the flow of a white dress; the same dress she would wear when she would take me to the beach. The sunset reminds me of the nights we would spend watching it when she needed to get us away for a night. We would sit under the stars on a blanket once the sun set and we would try to count the amount of stars that were in the sky until we fell asleep. 

This place she showed me brought me peace. It brought back memories I forgot I had and it makes me feel so many emotions and they wash over me as I sit in the field at the top of the hill. I light a cigarette and sit out there, stuck in my thoughts until the sun sets.

I let someone get too close and she leaves me when she is told to stay away. She didn't hesitate to say she would get rid of me, and it causes stinging to come to my eyes.

This shit is why I don't let people in, and its why I won't again.

🚬🚬🚬

- Stacy Harrington -

My day today at school was shit considering the fact that Billy left school for the day because of me. I feel horrible not only for not seeing him anymore for Steve, but when he came up and I had to confirm it for him, it made it sting even worse. I've grown to like Billy and the past week has been amazing. The hurt in his eyes hurt my heart and I wanted to cry right there and then in the school hallway.

If it weren't for Steve, I feel like Billy and I could have lasted. I mean he never acted out on me again after that one night and he just made me happy. But my relationship with my brother means way more than a week with someone. Even if that week was the happiest one I have had in a long time.

So when I get home I try to cover up the tears because there is more shit going on at home that's more important. Dad left the house and went somewhere else until the divorce is final, so mom has been left to find a job that will keep us on our feet. It won't take much effort, though, since Steve will be graduating this year and I will be next year.

Tonight mom ordered in some Chinese food, and we sit in quiet as we eat.

"How was your guys' days?" She asks, trying to break the silence.

"It was good" I lie. I don't want her worrying about me. She looks over at Steve, who looks over at me. Once I notice he is, I look down at my food. I don't necessarily want to talk to him at the moment because of this weekend's events. I can't decide if I'm mad or not.

"Yeah yeah I was good" he replies, shoving some orange chicken into his mouth.

"Good" she smiles at us. She is trying to be strong, and it breaks my heart to see her like that. I quickly finish up and clean my plate and put away any leftovers we have before going upstairs.

A little while later I come down to see my mom by herself on the couch. I don't really say anything, I just walk over to her and lay down on the couch next to her with my head in her lap. She strokes my hair as she would do when I was young and its super calming, exactly what I need right now.

"You okay Mom?" I ask, looking up at her.

"Yeah, honey" she says. She looks down at me. "I love you."

"I love you too Mom."

We sit there watching TV until we both fall asleep.

--------

I was going to talk about how strong moms are, because they are. They're insanely strong its incredible. But then I remembered Billy's situation and I felt it was inappropriate 💀

Thanks for reading!! This book seriously means a lot to me. Kinda my stability rn... thats unhealthy

ALSO I LOVE THE GIF AT THE BEGINNING LMAOO

ok ill be quiet now lol

Love you all!!

-Liz <3