𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙈𝙧. 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙝𝙞𝙙

7.Reality

Monday came, and despite my best efforts to gather my strength, seeing them together unraveled everything.

The ache was relentless.

“Hey, Belle! How was your weekend?” Hailey greeted me as we walked to our first class. Zayne stood beside her, his hand resting casually on her waist.

I forced a smile, though every fiber of my being resisted. "It was okay," I replied, holding back tears. "Tell Tita Cherrie I'll visit soon."

"You never pass up a visit to my mom. What’s really going on?" she asked, her brow furrowed with concern.

I wanted to run away again, to escape before my emotions betrayed me. “Nothing. See you inside, Hail.” I walked ahead, not daring to look back.

As I took my seat, I prayed under my breath, “God, please help me stay strong. This pain…it’s too much.”

Hailey came and sat next to me, squeezing my hand gently. I wanted to pull away, but it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know how deeply I was hurting.

“Belle, whatever you’re going through, I’m here for you,” she whispered.

I forced another smile. “Thanks, Hail. I’m fine—just tired.”

“Do you want me to stay over at your place tonight?”

I shook my head quickly. That was the last thing I wanted right now. “Not today, okay?”

Hailey looked puzzled, but she didn’t push further.

The next class was with Zayne, and as usual, we sat next to each other. I avoided looking at him, saying barely a word.

“Why are you so quiet today?” he whispered during class.

“I’m focusing,” I replied simply, still refusing to meet his gaze.

“Did you get dumped?”

I nearly flinched at his question, completely caught off guard. But I nodded anyway, hoping it would end the conversation.

“It’s his loss.”

No, Zayne, it’s mine, I thought. He was so lucky to have Hailey, and not me.

This is my reality now.

I can’t live in my fantasies anymore.

---

The day passed, draining every ounce of energy I had left. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt joy. Was this what heartbreak truly felt like? The numbness, the lack of appetite, the desire to isolate myself from everyone…

No one knew the truth behind my silence.

Every time I saw Zayne and Hailey together in the cafeteria, laughing and holding hands, my heart clenched. It was unbearable to pretend that everything was okay, to plaster a smile when I was breaking inside.

One month.

In just one month, the school holidays would begin. After that, I wouldn’t have to see them for two whole months.

Maybe I could escape to my grandmother’s in the US, or visit my uncle in New Zealand. I’d do whatever it took to get away, to rebuild myself in a place where I wouldn’t have to see them together.

Yes, I just need to be strong for one more month. Pretending is painful, but it’s necessary. And maybe, just maybe, after two months away, I’ll come back with a heart that’s finally healed.

🐬🐬🐬🐬

Natapos ang araw na hindi ko man lang nagawang makaramdam ng kaunting saya.

Ganito ba talaga kapag nasasaktan? Parang may gumuho na mundo sa loob ng aking dibdib, tila ba ang bawat hakbang ay mabigat at ang bawat ngiti ay pilit.

Wala ka sa sarili, tulala, hindi makakain, walang ganang kumausap sa iba. Parang isang masakit na sumpa na nag-uugat sa aking isip, ang pag-iisip na may mga bagay na hindi ko na maibabalik.

Nobody knows kung ano ang totoong pinagdadaanan ko. Sinasalamin ng mga tao sa paligid ko ang saya at kasiyahan, pero ako ay nakabilad sa aking sariling anino, nagtatago sa likod ng mga ngiti ng iba.

Sa tuwing nakikita ko sina Zayne at Hailey na naglalambingan sa school canteen, napapaatras ako. Para akong sinampal ng katotohanan; ang mga alaala ng mga tawanan namin ay tila nagiging napaka-pait.

Hindi ko kayang makita silang magkasama. Ang bawat yakap, bawat halik na nakikita ko sa kanila ay parang pag-aasido na pumapasok sa aking puso. Hindi ko kayang mag pretend na parang wala lang. Naninikip ang dibdib ko kapag pinipilit ko ang sarili kong ngumiti sa harap nila, at sa likod ng mga ngiti, may mga luha akong pinipigil.

One month.

Yes, isang buwan nalang bago ang school holiday. Ang bawat araw ay isang pagsubok, ngunit may pag-asa akong nakakapit na makakahanap din ako ng lakas sa sarili ko.

After that, two months ko silang hindi makakasama sa university. Ang pag-iisip na maaari akong makalayo, kahit na saglit, ay nagbibigay sa akin ng konting kapayapaan.

Makakatakas ako sa reyalidad na kinakaharap ko sa ngayon. Sa bawat hakbang palayo, umaasa akong madadala ko ang sakit ko sa ibang lugar.

Kahit na magkapitbahay kami ni Zayne, puede akong magbakasyon sa lola ko sa US. Or sa Tito ko sa New Zealand. Kahit saan basta malayo sa kanila, kahit saglit lang.

Yes, I need to be strong for a month. Pretending is not easy but I need to do it. I need to put on a brave face for the world, kahit na sa likod ng ngiting iyon ay may kirot na umaabot sa aking kaluluwa.

But I also need to keep my distance from now on. Bawat pag-ikot ng oras ay isang hakbang palayo sa aking sakit.

After two months na mawawala siya, maybe, just maybe, pagbalik niya makalimutan na niya ang first heartbreak niya. At sa paglipas ng panahon, sana makahanap ako ng bagong simula at muling matutong umibig.