Lost and Found

THIRTEEN

The couple arrived home well after the sun set over the horizon. Their visit with Naruto went on for, well, exactly how long they expected. He was quite the chatterbox and they gave him plenty to talk about.

They didn't bother switching on any lights as they walked through the dark house. They had one destination and knew exactly how to get there.

Sakura stepped into the bathroom quickly before going to the bedroom to first to clean her face, Sasuke just collapsed on the bed wherever he could to wait for her to get done. He was half asleep when he heard her footsteps enter the bedroom.

"You're taking up the whole bed you know?" she said. Sasuke was lying diagonally across the bed, face down in his pillow. Silently, he shifted his weight over to his side of the bed, rolling on his side to face her as she laid down.

"You okay?" she asked. The whole walk home he had been silent. Not that silence was unusual for Sasuke, but Sakura could tell there was something on his mind. He shrugged his shoulder as a response, "I don't know."

"You can tell me" she told him as she inched closer to him in the bed. They were close, just a few inches apart, but were not touching. He felt distant and she didn't want to push his boundaries. She would let him reach out first.

"I want to talk about it" he said quietly, avoiding her eyes even with how close they were to one another, "I think we should talk about it."

She was taken aback by his honesty, "You w-want to talk about the miscarriage?"

He met her eyes then and nodded his head. He had so many questions burning inside him, he knew nothing of what happened and it truly bothered him. He wanted to know what she went through, he wanted to know about the loss of his child.

"What would you like to know?" she asked softly.

"What happened? Tell me about when it happened. Please"

Sakura took a calming breath. Just thinking of that day made her chest and throat feel tight but she understood why he wanted to know. She desperately wanted to shield him from it but she would want to know too. She couldn't keep it from him.

"Well," she started, "I worked a long day at the hospital and came home, ate, went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night with some discomfort but I shook it off until my alarm woke me up for work but the pain felt worse."

She paused, calming herself down to start the next part of the story, the hardest part. Sasuke reached over and cupped her cheek, softly rubbing his thumb back and forth.

"When- when I flipped the blankets back the bed was full o-of blood. My thighs were bright red, the blood soaked through everything. There was so much." Tears were threatening to spill over, she fought them for as long as she could but they eventually won. "I got to the hospital as quickly as I could and then I don't remember anything until waking up and Ino telling me what happened."

He brushed the tears away from her face, giving her, and himself, a moment to process what she had just said. His chest was tight with guilt for not being there with her. He knew that there was no way he could've known because Sakura didn't know herself but he still was angry with himself.

"I'm sorry" he whispered to her as he pulled her in close against his chest. It didn't feel like any words could hold the amount of pain he felt over not being there for her. Sakura tucked her head into the crook of his neck. Tears were running down her cheeks, both of them were silent.

"Do you know why it happened?" he asked after her breaths had calmed.

She shook her head, "These things can just happen sometimes." She repeated the words that Ino and Shizune had told her even though it never made her feel any better. "I'm scared of it happening again. I don't know if I could bare it" Sakura said, her voice small.

He didn't know what he could say to that. What could he say? He couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't happen again, he couldn't do anything to prevent it.

"I'm sorry" he told her again as he hugged her tighter. Thus far he had held in his emotions, again this was something Sasuke was good at, but this effected him in a way he had only ever experienced twice before; the day he lost his clan and the day he lost Itachi. Silent tears ran down his cheeks as he thought about his child, his chance at another family, being gone.

"I was scared to be a father but I wanted it" he admitted. The thought had crossed his mind before, he always talked of rebuilding his clan. But now that he was older, and realizes the weight and consequences of his actions, he was terrified of the thought of being responsible for a child. He didn't know how a good father should be but he knew that he wanted children.

Sakura hugged him tighter, "What do you think makes a good father?"

"I'm not sure."

"Okay. Then what do you wish your father would've done differently for you?"

Her question provided him with so much clarity. His father hadn't always been the easiest person; he was hard to please and had favoritism towards Itachi. Sasuke noticed those things and it really effected his relationship with his father.

"I would always believe in their abilities and dreams" he said softly.

"Anything else?"

"I would never compare them to anyone else, never in a negative way."

"That's all it is Sasuke. Loving them, supporting them, and believing in them. When you're doubting yourself, just think of what you would've wanted from your father; what you wanted him to say or do."

Sasuke couldn't lie, Sakura's words comforted him. She always had a way of doing that, whether it be through words or actions. Sakura was the one person who he felt connected to on a deep level after the massacre of his clan.

He hugged her close and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment, "Thank you Sakura."