Dear Diary | A Zarry A U

CHAPTER 27 - HARRY

April 06, 2017.

Wimbledon.

Dear Diary,

Today was the most confusing day of my life. Yesterday, Elliot and I fought and to make things worse, Elliot and Krystal fought too. And now, that made Elliot's bipolar condition worse so he started beating me. It's not like I cannot fight back, but I don't want to. So yeah, yesterday was a normal day in my life.

I woke up late today morning. It's actually because my whole body hurts like hell. I drove to my parent's home and like always we had lunch and nothing else.

I walked to the library, not to get books this time. But to see if I get anything that reminds me of my past. While I was rummaging in the same cupboard I came across a journal. A maple leaf imprinted, yellow leather journal.

Whose is this? Mine. Is there anything about those 5 years? Yes. Should I read it? Yes. Am I ready to read it? No. Will I ever be ready? No. Am I gonna read it now? Yes. And I did.

Every page of it has a single Polaroid and a couple of lines explaining it. Only the right side of it is written. The journal is not complete.

The first one was a day out with our family to our farm in Holmes Chapel when I was 7. It's a photo of me with Gem and a rabbit on her lap. We both named it Benjamin. I mean, who the hell even names a rabbit like this? Well, we do.

And the caption said:

"Gemma and Harry are babysitting Benjamin. It's a family day out and we're enjoying every moment of it."

Another one was a Polaroid taken on my 10th birthday. It was Gemma who took the photo and I was grinning at the camera, holding up the book she gave me.

The caption said:

"One of my best birthdays ever. Gemma gave me a book and I'm sure I'll love it because she always chooses the best for me."

Another one was with Louis on our graduation day at Doncaster high. I was grinning at the photo and he was kissing my cheek.

"What feels like the end is often the beginning :)"

p.c.: Lottie.

Another one is with Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn. I guess it was taken on one of Niall's birthdays. Niall was grinning at the camera, hugging Liam from behind, who is sitting on a barstool and gripping Niall's hand around him.

Zayn was sitting on my lap, poking his tongue out at the camera and I'm hugging him from behind and resting my chin on his shoulder, smiling at the camera. Louis is frowning at the camera and, with his hands folded against his chest. Louis was in the middle and Liam and I are on both sides.

The caption said:

"Aww!! Our little pumpkin is another year older today"

p.c.: Alex.

Another was on Louis' birthday. It was after Zayn and I got our wrist tattoos. Both of us showed off our tattoos by holding our chins in our left palms and smiling at the camera.

The caption said:

"You're imprinted in every single heartbeat of mine from the moment our eyes met."

p.c.: Liam.

Another one is from our University graduation. All five of us are grinning at the camera, holding each other closer.

The caption said:

"Here's to the new beginning with my Idjits; the best is yet to come :)"

p.c.: Alex.

Last one. It is the most heartbreaking one. It was from the day I proposed to Zayn. It was me and Zayn smiling at the camera, while I was hugging him from behind and resting my chin on his right shoulder.

And Zayn was leaning his head to the right and holding up his left hand showing off his engagement ring. It was a platinum ring and something was imprinted on it.

The caption said:

"Next step to our together forever."

P.S.: HAZ can either represent the pet name Zayn calls me or it can also represent Harry and Zayn.

p.c.: Louis

Am I engaged to Zayn and married to Elliot? What a whore!! My God, how much did I hurt Zayn in all these years? How much he should've gone through because of me? And even after all these, he accepted me again. At first, I thought, I might have to fix this marriage drama. But now I have problems which can never be fixed.

I don't know when I started crying. But now I can't stop it. Everything hurts. From my head to my heart to my nerves to my bones, everything hurts. And this is why I don't cry every time I feel like crying. It hurts emotionally and physically.

I kept my journal back and walked out of that house. When I got back to my house, Evan and April are already there. They're a couple of days early.

"Hy," I said walking in.

"Hi, Harry." April waved and I waved back.

"Hy" Evan hugged me tightly. I winced making him pull away with a frown. The pain from yesterday's beatings is still there. I smiled at him awkwardly and excused myself.

Today was a long day. Remembering too many things hurts. As the doctor said, every time I look at a photo, I can remember the stories behind each of them. Clean and clear. But having a massive headache.

My head hurts like a bitch and I don't even wanna start about my heart.

Haz.