Bitter Medicine

Chapter - 1

I may have written this as a bit of therapy having lost my Dad last May very quick bout of cancer. Part of me understands Serkan's mental state and not being able to manage getting news that crushes your dreams, the two characters have never been the best communicators. I don't understand not telling someone that they have a child. If you couldn't do it face to face you couldn't write a letter? Something?

So, I did what anyone else would do - I changed it to suit my needs . . . . . Please let me know your thoughts!

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Serkan sat in his doctor's office, he was just numb. He had beat the cancer, the doctor had come to the ranch and told them that he had beat the cancer. Now sitting in front of him he was telling him that he had a 70% chance of it returning within the next five years and that he was sterile? How could this be?

"But how?"

"I'm sorry Serkan bey, all the drugs taken during chemotherapy have made decimated your sperm count, you won't be able to have children."

"Did you know this was going to happen? We could have taken precautions, frozen sperm ahead of time if you knew that this was going to happen."

"The nature of your cancer and the difficulty that we had treating it required a more intensive treatment. We initially thought that the radiation therapy would be successful but when we had to add chemotherapy to the treatment the combination had a negative effect on your fertility."

Serkan looked at his doctor, unable to keep the tears from streaming down his face. This was the last straw this was what ended him and Eda.

"Serkan bey, you can still adopt, there are other methods of having a family."

"Yes, but you also just stamped me with an expiration date. Here Eda, let's have a family, but you get to do it all on your own, it defeats the purpose of a family a bit doesn't it doctor?"

The doctor knew that in his honesty he had created this crisis and he didn't know how to get Serkan Bolat out of it. "Maybe if you went to counseling it would help you address it Serkan bey, talk through these issues with a professional? You need to understand that your life can still be full."

"Right, full. Thank you doctor, I'll see you in six months for my next follow up visit."

Serkan had left the office and was just sitting in his car. He had only been driving for a few weeks now, Eda had driven him everywhere while he was undergoing chemo. She had done everything for him, she had put her life on hold for him, school, work, everything. They had started making plans again, started dreaming again, he couldn't do it to her, not again. He couldn't see the light go out of her eyes again.

He didn't want to go home. He knew Eda would be waiting for him wanting to hear how his visit was, she thought that this was just a routine checkup. It was, but it had turned into so much more. He left the doctors office with no destination in mind. Serkan drove for hours, not hearing the phone ringing, just driving until the road ran out. He stared at the coastline in front of him and could finally not hold it in any longer he started sobbing.

Eda was losing her mind, Serkan wasn't answering his phone and his doctor's appointment had ended hours ago. She called the office to see if he had checked out and they told him that he had left at 1:00. That was seven hours ago and he was just gone. The doctor wouldn't talk to her, she knew that, had he told Serkan that the cancer was back? Was that it? She tried to find his phone but he was out of a service area or his phone was off. This couldn't be happening, he had to have gotten some horrible news, she knew that this was how he reacted, he shut down. This only meant one of two things, when he came back he would pretend that things were fine or he would drive her away. Which was it going to be this time?

Serkan came home at 4:00 in the morning, he knew Eda would be waiting up, he had seen her dozens of calls and texts. She was sitting in a ball on the couch with her head on her knees. He had done this to her, this was her defeated posture, he was so tired of hurting her, everything he did just hurt her. Serkan couldn't ignore her. He knew that she heard him, he knew that she thought he would walk right by her, instead he sat next to her and pulled her body on to his lap.

Eda started crying, she had been so worried, he had been gone so long and she knew something wasn't right with him, it was just a question of whether he would tell her or not. Would he give her the option of fighting with him or would he give up, give up on them?

Serkan didn't know that giving up on them was the worst thing that he could do. Would she survive? Sure, probably, but she wouldn't be living. He would still have half her heart and soul, he needed to understand it, he needed to talk to her.

He just stroked her hair and held his lips against her temple, she could feel his tears against her skin. No, his visit hadn't been a good one, he was going to try to send her away, she knew it, he was trying to gather the strength to do it. Eda had three options, she could let Serkan push her away, she could leave him or she could fight him. She was tired of giving him the upper hand pushing her away when things got hard, since she was never going to leave him, she was going to have to fight.