death by a thousand cuts (lenrisa)

tonight is gonna be the loneliest

#NowPlaying: the loneliest by Måneskin

"He proposed."

There was no hi, no hello, no good morning. There was just, "he proposed" and Leon could feel the blood drain from her face and her mouth left agape and somewhere in the room full of colours in the Museo, everything turned black and white.

She wished for a fainting spell. Hell, she wished for those two words to just be erased from her memory, but she's confronted with the truth, the woman who had her heart since time immemorial, and the ring—a silver band with a gigantic Amethyst atop.

Maybe that's one of the common denominators Leon and James have, knowing full well what makes Therese happy and knowing full well only one of them could fulfil it truly.

Ignorance is truly bliss and there's nothing more that Leon wishes for right now, but a tabula rasa, a cleanse, something that would take away the pain that's running from her head to her heart, to her knees, and just everywhere her pain receptors could go whack.

He proposed. And Leon, on the other hand...
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving for good.

"Congrats..." There was a lump in her throat.
"Congratulations, Therese." Leon made sure to say it as prim and collected as she wants to appear. The last thing that she wanted was to be coaxed by anyone, especially Therese.

Most especially Therese.

"Pasensya ka na, Atty! Hindi man Lang ako nakabati! Magandang Umaga po." And there it was. That damned smile. The way that she says po. The way she carries herself and the way her entire stature just appears as though Leon was confronted by a goddess gracing the lawyer with her ethereal presence. So surreal. So unreal.

"Eto talaga si Sen! Have a seat! Naku, kailan ang wedding? " It was heartbreak warfare, asking about the details of the things that would leave her heart into shattered glass pieces on the floor... but Leon has always believed that letting yourself feel the pain whilst in the battle helps you a lot when you heal from the wounds. That is — if — she heals from this.

Therese let out a rhythmic giggle, her gaze on her ring as she bit her lower lip as if she was repressing herself from squealing. "Baka sa April? It won't be big, it would just be... something."

Something? Parang tayo? Before?

"Ah."
"Naku! You have to come. Vacation? Surely Professor Leon could take a week off? Please, Leon? You can be my maid of honour."

My birth month. Your maid of honour.
I feel like shit. I feel like shit tenfold.

There was an air of hesitation coming from Leon's end. Being present on the day when her greatest love weds another person feels like a betrayal to herself but staying in Harvard knowing full well that that could be the last time she could love her lawfully felt like a betrayal of her unending and unconditional love for Therese.

"Maybe." A timid smile came from Leon, to which Therese milked to make the lawyer give the woman across her a yes.

"Yihiiiii! Maybe means yes? Please say yes!"

Palibhasa alam mo kung pa'no ako kunin. "Yes. Sige. I'll make it happen."

"Mamimiss kita, Leon. Sobra." The lawyer was taken aback by the gesture of the senator, the sudden urge to envelope her into a hug. But honestly, truly... she could stay here. This could be how their life would go. She could do this in this lifetime and the next and not complain because she's cradled by her Therese and nothing matters. No one leaves and no one gets married. All is well here. All is well with Therese.

And then Therese lets go.

"Mag-iingat ka do'n ha? Sumulat ka!" Therese gave Leon a slight pat on her shoulder.

And then all is not well in the world.

_____

James Cruz changed his profile picture.

Because of her sacrifice, we found each other.
#TuloyAngBayanihan

And that was the last Facebook post Leon saw when she left Manila that night. One post is filled with remnants of two of her losses: the fight of her life and the love of this lifetime, and the next.

"Take off na kami, Aiks."