death by a thousand cuts (lenrisa)

breathe deep, breathe out

#NowPlaying: labyrinth - taylor swift

"Hahaha! That's funny, guys!"

That laugh? That laugh is something I would recognise anywhere. I feel a tug in my heart and the glass of white wine in my hand almost spilt to my shock.

Hindi ko naman alam na nandito ka rin pala... at siya.

I turned, knowing full well that the person who was once my home (still is), who now lives in a different house would welcome me and my tad, wretched heart.

You look a little older, we both do. I think about the time not too long ago when the only furrows on our faces were our smile lines from laughing at and with each other. I wonder if the stress of the state of the country has gotten to you too? Or did we age altogether not only because of time but more so because this was the only way we could grow old together?

Not together together. But together in a sense, "Senator Therese Navarro and Vice President Leon Sto. Tomas spent their golden years fighting for and with the opposition together—two women whose hearts have and will always be in the right place" would make history books and somehow, in the concept of yore, we could say we've gotten old together even when we'll die not being each other's forever.

I still remember that time when we were so exhausted from all the campaigning during your third run for the senatorial spot and my very first time running for a monumental government position, we were seated in one bed listening to each other's stories as we try to let ourselves fall asleep—because somehow the exhaustion wasn't enough to drive us to dreamland due to the height of anxiety we were in because of the lack of support we were getting from one sortie to another—and you saw how much the burden of the campaign was getting to me and so you ushered me to lean on your chest and I heeded.

I curled up in a fetal position and forgot my woes just like you knew I would. I fell asleep just by the magic of your touch and the sound of your beating heart. We never talked about it, and it was the night that I knew you were something else because you felt like home amid uncertainty. That was the first of many moments where I realised that home could be a person you're just starting to get to know and that you, you beautiful you, are a home away from home.

I hear your laugh again but this time I could also see how your eyes smile along with it and how your eyes shine when you speak about something that makes every fibre of your being electrified. I see you tap on his shoulder and you yelp, "Ikaw talaga, Mahal!" And suddenly I am transported back to midnights with you.

The midnight bus rides to Naga where you and I would take venture the road fresh from an exhausting day and you'd watch me do my work on the road. You'll volunteer to read the speeches that I wrote but I would feel bashful and you would contest. However, those eyes of yours that could never make me say no have never failed and so I hand over my laptop as I try to hide my face from shame because... I don't know. I just...

It's just... it's you.
And you make me feel things I don't feel with anyone else. So, you would smile and say, "what a mind" and you'd give me the grin, the best one I've ever seen, and head to sleep.

It's as though you only waited for me to be done with work, to end my day with me, albeit coming from a hard day's work. I'd say I'd gotten used to it, but I never did. I don't think I ever did.

It has never left my mind, it visits me most of the time when I go home to Naga and it gets more real by the minute when my seatmate no longer insists on ending my day with me.

And so I've never tried working on the bus ever since we parted ways.

I think I was standing way too long that I'd made my mark amid the crowd and you'd taken notice of me staring at you. There you are again with that beautiful smile of yours ushering me to join you and him.

I don't.

Instead, I waved at you and gestured, "I'll leave soon!" Because I will have to leave soon and I can't afford to be summoned by someone I've been trying to get over.

Breathe in, breathe through
Breathe deep, breathe out

I'll be getting over you my whole life, Therese.
I whispered under my breath as I placed my half-filled wine glass on a table and I headed for my car.