Aaliyah Fenty is a 21year old student currently attending the USC campus. She was born in the limestone island of Barbados and was raised in Harlem, New York by her grandmother with her older brother Christian And twin Arlena
David Brewster is a 28...
Nothing is the same. I'm seven months pregnant now going to be eight months in about two weeks and I'm anything but happy. This was supposed to be the time for my baby shower preparations but everything is held back. I didn't even have a gender reveal anymore. How could I without the father of my child? It doesn't make sense to me. It just wouldn't be the same. He is supposed to be here with me but instead I'm the loneliest I have ever been in my life. Not saying that no one checks in on me or I have no one to speak to but I just feel completely and utterly alone. No one knows or will even understand what goes through my head or how I truly feel. They wouldn't know the guilt and shame I carry knowing that I was the one who sent Dave out that dreadful night. They wouldn't know the pain I feel unless they were in my shoes nor would they know how defeated I am unless they had to force themself out of bed to raise a ten month old little girl who doesn't even know what's going on around her.
"Corie come on baby you gotta let aunty sleep." Lori said coming to get her babygirl off the bed. Days like this I try a little harder. I try to be okay or at least appear to be. I don't have a choice, not when it's more than just Reina watching me. I have to look like life isn't kicking my ass right now at least not as bad as it really is. "It's okay really Lori." I assured her. My niece was not a bother to me at all. In fact I think she purposely brings Corie each time she or Chris comes over to help distract me from my awful reality. "Lily you've been on your feet all day, I know your pregnant ass tired." No lies told. The house has been a mess for a minute so today I told myself I was going to clean and that I did. "She's right sis, get some rest. I'll pass back later to-" "To what Chris ? Check up on me.. again? I keep telling y'all I'm fine honestly. You guys don't have to be here this often." I told him. I was grateful truly but they have their own lives. Lori has a business running, they have a daughter raising and Chris well... I'm not even too certain what he bas going on lately. He most likely told me I just haven't been paying much attention. "We just wanna make sure you good Lily." Lori said to me. "Ofcourse I'm not good I'm pregnant in this big house with two dogs and my eight month old daughter while my children's father is-" I couldn't even finish the setence. "Lily.." Lori started but I raised my hand stopping her mid sentence. "Look I'm not good, there's no point in questioning that, you all know that. It's obvious I'm not at my best and rightfully so but I am okay or as okay as I can be given the predicament. I would be better if Dave was here but he isn't." "Sis we just don't want you to feel like you're in this alone." Chris uttered. "I miss Dave like crazy and really wish he was here right now to see how he's baby been kicking my ass but there really isn't anything I can do about it sadly. I have a little person inside of me that I have to stay strong for and Reiny who's growing a little faster than I'd hoped. I appreciate y'all constantly checking up on me, I know I was a complete mess a month ago but I'm better compared to back then. If anything it's Danny y'all should be worried about not me." "We do check on her and she isn't doing well herself. It's almost two months now and she hasn't changed." Lori said. "What would you expect ?" I raised a brow and they both stayed silent. I would probably be the same or worse if I had to witness Chris get shot down like that. "I think I'll take that rest now, I'll call y'all if I need y'all." I said letting them know they didn't have to come back anytime soon. "Okay Lily, just make sure you answer my texts at least." Lori said hugging me. "I will." If I found my phone. "I don't wanna bother you even if I'm worried but you know that you gotta keep in touch or else I will storm back in here." Chris warned. "That I know" "I love you babysis, keep your head up." He said hugging me. Chris and Lori left with Corie, leaving me in this big house alone, yet again—well not completely alone because I have Reina but that's fine because it's what I asked for..right. I locked up the house and made sure the alarm system was enabled before going up to our bedroom to take a well needed nap, lord knows I need it. Unfortunately for me, that rest was short-lived because next came Keisha and her mother. I contemplated if I should act asleep and leave the gate closed or not but I couldn't. I was trying my best to be the good host and not dampen the mood especially since they came with such positive energy but I really just wanted to be alone. "It's getting late let me put Reina to sleep, I'll be back." It was the perfect excuse to get some air. I excused myself and went up to the nursery. Sometimes I wish we built a damn elevator in this house because lord knows this steps getting harder and harder to climb. My poor babygirl I know she's been missing her dad and Kairi too. Luckily Millie hasn't been a complete bitch with Dave gone.(surprise surprise) In fact, she has allowed Kairi to sleep over a few nights which is good for both her and Reina. At least as sisters they have each other. Once I got Reina to fall asleep I made my way downstairs but just as I was about to take the corner I overheard Kiki say "Mom I really don't know what to do anymore." This is my house so I have no reason to be eavesdropping but I was curious to hear their conversation when I wasn't in the room so I stood behind the wall and listened. "Keisha don't stress yourself." "Stress myself ? Mom my two bestfriends have completely shut me out ! Everytime I visit Lily I feel like I'm bothering her more than anything. She barely speaks, she hardly even looks at me. Do you know how that makes me feel ? It's bad enough that I have to see her like this. All depressed and heartbroken. Then I get home to another person who's gon cold on me. Shooter is rarely home. He spends hours outside and comes home in the wee hours of the morning. Things haven't been the same between us since. He and Dave were bestfriends more like brothers I get that mom. They're like Lily and I, grew up together and stayed tight. It's not a day I can think back when I needed someone and Lily didn't make herself available. It's not a good memory I could think of that she wasn't apart of but mom, he really is pushing me away I can feel it. We were so happy, everything was going great we all opened the year together and things just felt perfect. Now I don't even know where my relationship stands anymore, I feel like I'm losing two important bonds and I can't do anything about it. Lily is trying her best to show that she's strong but I can see right through that front she's putting on, I always could. Meanwhile Shooter doesn't even know when last he even looked at me in any way romantically possible and with all the time he spends out the house.." "What Keisha ?" " I don't know if he's out there looking for who's responsible for Dave's.." "Keisha." "Or if he's out there cheating on me. Hell, it could be both." She chuckled trying to fight the tears that were probably threatening to fall. I could tell by the crack in her voice that she was trying not to cry. "Keisha no matter what Duane is going through, that man loves you too much to cheat on you and he hasn't shut you out completely." "How could you be so sure mom?!" She semi yelled. She better chill too cause I just put Reina to sleep. "I don't even know if he still loves me." She mumbled. "Sweetheart trust me that man still loves you, he just can't show it right now because of his mental state. You need to remember he isn't thinking straight right now, he has all these built up emotions inside of him." "But mom I tried.. I tried so hard to get him to open up. If not talk to me to see a counsellor because I'm no professional at this shit but he shut me out." She cried. It was hurting me to hear Keisha break down like this. "If that man shut you out Keisha, you wouldn't be living with him. He may spend hours out doing God knows what, but at the end of the day he comes home to you babygirl." Her mom and as I peeked I saw the way she was cradling Kiki's face in her palms as she cried. "I-I haven't even told him I'm pregnant yet mom." She uttered and cried even harder when I heard that. I swore I felt my heart drop. Now I felt awful all over again. My best friend is almost just as affected by all this as I am and on top of all that she's pregnant. "It will get better baby, I know it will. You just got to have faith." I was fighting back tears myself now. I went back upstairs to get my emotions in check before going back to join them in the living room. * *
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"How many people you cooked for child?" "I try to cook so the food could last me a couple of days. If it were left to me I wouldn't eat at all. I really don't be having the appetite for it but I'm breastfeeding and got a baby inside it me so I gotta keep my health in check." "Yes but not just your physical health you do know that right?" "I know granny but my mental health really is out of my control. I can't help how I feel with what I'm going through. What's happened has really drained me mentally. Most days I want to give up on life- "Oh God Lily.." "But I have my kids here with me and if Dave could see me now he wouldn't approve of my thinking or my sulking so I try my best." "You have always been strong, you will get through this." "Will I?" "The lord gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers." "Alright but I'm not a soldier granny.." "Just have faith, this too shall pass. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you." She was getting biblical on me and no disrespect but I wasn't trying to hear any of that right now so I just nodded with a small smile to please her. I have been praying everyday and nothing has changed. I still feel lost and heartbroken as I was the day before. I still wake up to Dave's empty spot on the bed and cry myself to sleep. I still can't bring myself to check on Danny knowing she's going through it just as I am. Praying is proving to be useless and at this point I need God himself to come down to hold me.
