Soulmates

Chapter 18: Chasm

“This is so not fair!” Christina whines as she stands in the middle of Tris’ empty walk-in closet. “I’m sharing a tiny apartment with Marlene, and you get this huge three-bedroom all to yourself!?”

Tris rolls her eyes at her friend’s dramatic display. “You know why, Christina,” Tris says. “This was the only apartment available in the leadership wing. It’s really rare for Dauntless to have so many single and childless leaders, so all the smaller two-bedroom apartments are full.”

“Still…” Christina grumbles. “At least tell me I can come and stay here sometimes.”

“Of course,” Tris placates her friend.

“Can I have one of your closets?” Christina presses.

“Um, no,” Tris replies. “You know I can’t give you an apartment key. So you wouldn’t be able to get in and get things when I’m busy.”

Christina sticks out her bottom lip.

“Sorry Babe,” Tris says lightheartedly. “Now let’s go shopping to fill my empty apartment!”

xxxx

About a month into her leadership training, Tris is busy working on paperwork in her office when she hears a voice from her doorway. “Knock, knock!” the visitor calls.

“Hey, um, Four,” Tris says, smiling at the trainer standing before her. “How have you been? I don’t see you much since initiation ended.”

“I’m good,” Tobias says with a smile. “I’ve been out at the fence doing tech maintenance for the past couple weeks. They usually send me out after initiation before they put me back on the regular schedule in the Control Room. It lets them train in the new guys, and gets me out of here for a bit. You initiates wear me out, you know?”

“Oh stop!” Tris laughs at his teasing. “I think you have that backward. I remember you doing all the wearing down. We were the ones running, fighting, and facing our worst fears!”

“Do you, um… Do you have a few minutes?” He says abruptly. “Are you allowed to leave?”

“Sure,” Tris says. “It’s almost lunchtime anyway. The paperwork will keep.”

She stacks her work neatly on the desk before standing and joining Tobias. The pair walk quietly through the leadership office hall and out into the pit. He leads Tris along the edge of the Pit on a narrow path that leads to the rocks at the bottom of the Chasm. They reach the end of the path and stand at the bottom of the Chasm, where the rocks form uneven ground, rising up at harsh angles from the rushing water. He leads her up and down, across small gaps and over angular ridges. The soles of their shoes mark each rock with a wet footprint. Tobias finds a relatively flat rock near the side, where the current isn’t strong, and sits down, his feet dangling over the edge. Tris sits beside him. He seems comfortable here, inches above the hazardous water.

“What is this place?” Tris asks in wonder.

“The bottom of the Chasm,” Tobias explains. “Most people don’t know it exists. There are no cameras here, either. I like to come here to be alone, to think.”

“It is strangely peaceful,” Tris says. “I didn’t fit in Abnegation, but sometimes I miss the tranquility. You know?”

“There wasn’t a lot of peace in my life there,” Tobias reminds her, “but I do miss the quiet sometimes.”

Tris nods, and the pair sits quietly for a few minutes.

“I missed you,” Tobias suddenly blurts out.

“What?” Tris asks.

“I missed you,” he says again.

“When you were checking the cameras?” she asks. “I missed you, too. Even Eric missed you. It’s kind of funny. You used to hate each other, but now, I don’t know. You’re like real friends or something.”

“We are,” Tobias confirms. They sit in comfortable silence again until Tobias works up the courage to try again.

“When I was gone, I thought about you a lot,” he says. “I’m glad I don’t have to watch you face your fears anymore, but I miss hugging you every day.”

Tris scoots a little closer to Tobias and puts an arm around his back. He smiles at her and wraps his arm around her shoulders. She snuggles into his side and sighs. “You can hug me anytime,” she says quietly.

“I decided a long time ago that soulmarks or no, I was never going to be in a relationship,” Tobias says sadly. Tris nods and waits for him to elaborate. “You… You know about… about Marcus,” he says. “I didn’t want to become like him. I didn’t want to fall in love, or have kids, and one day snap and hurt them. I just wanted to be left alone - to end the Eaton line. But then you showed up, Tris, and I find myself overwhelmed by the feelings I have for you. I still don’t know how I feel about marriage, or kids, or what to do about the whole Eric thing, but I crave you. I want to share my life with you. I want to hug you, maybe… um, maybe hold your hand, and talk to you about your day.”

“This whole three-person soulmark thing is confusing for all of us, Tobias,” Tris says gently. “For example, I love sitting here with you and talking to you with our arms around one another. But part of me wishes Eric was here, too. And when I’m training with him, or when he comes over for dinner, I wish you were there. I feel like a terrible person that I can’t decide between you. Reality is that I… I want you both. I know that’s cruel and unfair to both of you, but I can’t make a decision that will cut off either one of you.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Tobias asks. Tris nods. “I know Eric is a lot more touchy-feely than I am. Have you, um, have you kissed him?”

Tris nods again, blushing.

“Can I, um, can I maybe kiss you, too?” he asks, his blush riviling Tris’ own.

Tris turns her body toward Tobias’ and lifts her chin. “Yes,” she says quietly.

For a second, Tobias’ dark eyes stare into Tris’ light ones, and they’re quiet. Then he touches her face and leans in close, brushing her lips with his. The river roars nearby. Tobias grins and presses their mouths together again.

He takes her face in his hands, his fingers strong against Tris’ soft skin, and kisses her again, firmer this time, more certain. She wraps an arm around him, sliding her hand up his neck and into his short hair. For a few minutes they kiss, deep in the chasm, with the roar of water all around. And then they rise, hand in hand, and wordlessly go looking for lunch, and Eric.