𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 || ( infinity war )

↳ chapter sixteen

↳ hope

tw: mentions of death and suicide

there were just a few times in evis life where she had completely lost all her hope and felt like everything was lost, just over.

the first time was back in sokovia. the day her parents found their end and a part of evis being was gone with them. she felt like the day she lost them, a version of herself died too.

everyone that knows you, bewares an image of you, only they know about. they know what kind of person you are, how you behave, how you interact with them, who you are when you are with them.

that person dies too when the someone you love leave, because there is not a single person in the world, who bewared the same image of you, a part of your being

the second time was when she lost pietro, which happened in sokovia too.

evi used to keep the place close to her heart, because it was- after all - her home, but it just seemed to bring her bad luck, so she banned it and swore to never look back at the place that had cost her the most love and the most sadness she had ever received and felt.

a lot of versions of herself died in sokovia and she did too.

it was ironic wasn't it? back there she felt like she could finally rest, leave everything behind and just feel peace.

but for some reason, fate liked to play bingo with evi maximoffs life, - she would atleast have a few wins as by now

coming back from the dead wasn't exactly on her bingo card though.

the only two reasons she would've been fine with being alive again, were steve and wanda, both people she probably would never see again.

and that was the third time she lost all her hope. the moment peter quill threw a fist at thanos was the moment evi had known.

it had happened a third time. this time it was her sister that died. and with that she was the last... the only.

and that hurt more than dying ever could.

evi wasn't sure who she was, after all these deaths, her family - the people that knew her best.

four versions of her were gone. was there anything else that she consisted off? did she even exist without them?

probably the last version there was, was bewared by captain steve rogers.

he knew her best except from her family. her had really tried to bring her comfort, and he did.

evi maximoff had still ended her life.

and between all that rumble, later, when the screaming had died out and the last fight had ended.

maybe there was a time for steve rogers to look at evi maximoff and to feel guilty, even if it wasn't his fault.

evi had known he would do that- feel guilt, that was just who he was. and to a great deal she loved that about him. but he could've never been more wrong.

all the good things he brought to her didn't become bad, and they meant a lot, just not enough to cover up the bad things. but neither did the bad cover the good things in her life

there was a lot of good things in her life, pietro, wanda, her parents, steve.

and a lot of bad things happened to her, taking the people she loved, the bombing, the experiments, the fighting, losing pietro.

although steve had known that, he had still, beneath everything, a bit of hope that he could make it better, easier for her

he could. and it had mattered.

but the bad things were still there and evina maximoff was just tired.
and she hoped that after some time steve had understood that.

in the very end, hope was all that she had left...

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