Welcome to the hell I call my brain.

Truly me

I wanna be crazy and reckless and make mistakes without giving a fuck , I want to run down the street drunk off my face with a cigarette in my hand while cars pass me and fuck around with random people that
understand what I'm feeling, i want to be stupid and jump around in a packed club till my face burns red from the heat while they play music that makes my heart jump out of my chest.

I want to know the rush of what it means to actually love someone and have them ripped away from me, so I can understand real heartbreak because iv been through the whole talk-hangout- fuck -repeat and it's always them falling but I can't even begin to go close to the edge but I need someone that will truly be there If I fall. And maybe I don't want that maybe I won't ever fall, And maybe I might change my mind but that's okay and I want someone to understand that and not make me feel like I'm ruining my whole life by being without them.

I want to run on the beach and then fall over laughing and look at the stars till the sun begins to rise and I really want to lay on a wet rooftop with a cigarette in my hand and see how the buildings tower over a city with a hundred glowing lights while it's raining and listen to music that makes me cry from happiness and finally feel at peace with myself.

I need to feel like life isn't just slow moving and boring because if it truly is then I'm not meant to be here.
I need to feel something anything because if I don't I'm scared I'm going to be more numb then i already am cause I may be alive but I'm not living.

But most of all I need people to know that i don't want to ruin my life by doing all these reckless things I just need to live like there's no tomorrow so I know what the fuck I'll be missing out on if I choose to leave.

Peace and crazy they don't mix well but it's the best I can think of to describe myself because it's truly me.