Welcome to the hell I call my brain.

Hollow part 2 of truly me.

I'm scared I'll never feel what I have written about myself in past story's because I keep putting myself in horrible/embarrassing positions that make people hate me and make me hate my self even more .
I truly don't mean to fuck up I don't mean to be useless but it's hard when I can't find the motivation at the time to care ,it's not till I open my eyes in the morning after a night of mistakes and to the real world to realize that I'll never be happy because there's always going to be something or someone in my way,
I know I stand in my way sometimes to I'll talk about doing crazy shit and then do it and be ashamed of myself afterwards and slowly sink but into the same head space I was in before hand.

I know it's selfish for wanting the world to think the way I think so they don't judge me but i don't know how to live here if that's what I have to deal with if I want to be truly free.

I'm trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it keeps moving further away from me, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to chase it when I haven't started living the way I want.

Will I ever get there, will I be to late. Will I give up.

Those are the questions I ask myself on a daily basis, it's because I'll be feeling that numb after the sadness has subsided and all you have is your thoughts. These thoughts run in my mind like it's trying to find the finish line but sadly I don't think iv set a finish line yet.

How can I reach the finish line if I don't even know if I started running.

Most people know that they are going to grow old and die but for me and I know for a lot of other people we don't have that luxury of feeling that way, because our mind likes to tell us that we are useless and don't belong here. And after awhile we truly start to believe it.

We start to feel hallow and that's the worst feeling in the world.