Tea Parties in Boston

22 - New Beginning

October 11th, 2022, Cambridge, MA

The noise from a passing bus interrupted Rory as she was almost done telling Otis about what had happened on Sunday. They were sitting at the Cambridge Common, not too far from where she'd had lunch with Logan roughly a week ago.

"So... I just don't understand why he told me all of this. Why did he tell me all of this and do it now?" Rory discussed.

"Did you ask him? Did he give you a reason?" Otis asked in return, having met Rory for a quick talk just after her work before she took the train back to pick up Em. She had needed to talk to someone, just not Logan.

Otis wasn't a therapist, but throughout the years he'd outlived the relationship Rory had had with her actual therapist. Therapist couldn't really give their opinions, all they could do was ask questions and let people figure out things for themselves, but as Otis had no such ethical dilemmas - he was a friend too - talking to him actually seemed to put things in perspective for Rory more often than not. He had replaced a lot of people for her in that sense.

"He said he owed me this information, that maybe it was something that I'd felt bad about... which sure, in part, is true but him saying those things didn't erase them or do anything about what I felt then anyway... So what's the point?" Rory discussed, speaking with her hands.

"Maybe he thinks you didn't know he loved you back then," Otis said with a light shrug.

"I am not even convinced he meant it like 'love' love... there's a part of me that will always love him too... but I'm not sure it's the same thing as... He cared about me, that I believe... but that he would actually tell me, guilt me basically, that he did it for my sake - I don't get it!" Rory exclaimed.

"I don't know him as well as you do obviously, but from a guy's perspective, I am fairly certain most guys don't overuse the phrase 'love' that easily," Otis pointed out.

"But....," Rory began to argue, but didn't really know what to say. Logan certainly had never used the word lightly before.

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that he might have indeed loved you? He has before - so why couldn't he have loved you then?" Otis continued.

"Because he never said anything...," Rory said. "He just went along with it... he appeared so carefree about all of it..," she added, trying to think back to their interactions. It had all been so effortless, so comfortable. Sure, it had always been more than just sex too - it had been support, little comforting kisses on her temple as they just hung out on his couch - when they were together, they had really felt like they were together despite not actually defining themselves.

"But so did you, right? You had 'Vegas' as you've referred to it before?" Otis replied, it had been years since Rory had needed to talk about those times.

"Yes, because I wasn't disillusioned I could have something more with him," Rory explained.

"Why not?" Otis asked.

"Beyond his lifestyle, his family... the fact that he lived half-way across the world? I guess... I really didn't think I had any right to after turning him down at my graduation. I mean... I ruined us in the first place. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to pick up my life and move for him even five years ago if that had been a valid option. I couldn't just show up and suddenly, after realizing my career took me nowhere that I want to be involved with him," Rory said, not even daring to utter the thought 'marry him'.

"So essentially you didn't think you deserved him? Could it even be that you didn't think you deserved that kind of stability, regardless of who the person was? Did you believe you deserved love?" Otis discussed.