Faded

3. Cherry Blossoms | さくら

Hideo:

I have never been drawn to anyone as much as I am to you. You're the only one I want to talk to, the only one I like to touch. When I'm with you, it's like I'm in meditation. All the bad thoughts dissapear. You heal me with your presence.

Cherry blossoms in April.

We were standing on a bridge near Meguro Station. The sun reflected in your big eyes as you watched the white petals fall into the water and slowly float away. I touched your hair, which was touched by a warm spring wind. My heart blossomed. You moved closer to me.

"Looks like snow in spring," you said, looking at the flowers.

I silently looked at you.

"Why are you so taciturn today," you said affirmatively, turning to me.

I felt my heart twitch treacherously.

The wind blew again, waving your hair which smell like lilacs. You smiled and touched the tattoo on my arm. I leaned down a little and kissed you. I couldn't break the invisible glass between us, I couldn't be closer, I couldn't get attached to you, I knew I was wrong. There was no need to give in to desires. I only made it worse, not only for myself, but for you.

Izumi:

I don't think I've liked anyone as much as you. There was something special about you, special only for me. In addition to the external attractiveness, you were secretive and therefore I was drawn to you even more.

I remember the day you kissed me for the first time under the cherry blossoms. At first I was happy, I thought that from now on we are together, but then something happened that I could not expect.

You disappeared without saying a word. You just stopped calling and texting me. I was waiting for you to take some step towards me, but all in vain. A month later, you started dating a new girl, as if I had never been in your life. You probably didn't even realize how much pain you caused me then. How I was shaking every night from the sight of your photos with her, from your smug look. I didn't call or write to you, I wanted to answer in the same coin. I've always had a very cold heart, but this time it was hard for me to keep my cool. And yet, I did it.

Hideo:

I still laugh at my own stupidity. In those days I seemed to myself so strong and brave. I deceived myself that I was doing the right thing. I thought that if I made you angry, I would become an angel. I inspired myself that I could not be with you, that I should not have feelings for anyone. It only took me three months. For some it's a long time, for me it's a moment. I remember the day I saw you at Ueno Station.

The wind of the incoming train waved your short dress, exposing your chiseled legs, your hands tightly clenched a small backpack from which new brushes for painting were sticking out, your eyes radiated emptiness. You were somewhere deep in your thoughts. Flew far away from here, to the stars.

No one has ever given me such a thrill. I saw the whole world in you. You said it right then - I'm just some kind of maniac. But it doesn't matter anymore.

I took my phone out of my pocket and texted you:

I'm on Ueno now, there's a girl that's looks like you...

You reacted to the notification on the screen of your phone and turned around with a look like you've been doused with cold water. I noticed your trembling hands.

Izumi:

I think I was as pale as a wall then. I had many random thoughts running through my head at that moment.

Finally he wrote to me.

Do I look good?

This is so ridiculous.

The main thing is not to tell that I'm happy.

Maybe he's just joking...

I'm being very stupid.

And was it necessary to ignore me for three months?

You annoy me so much.

You don't even know how much I like you.

Because my fingers tremble, I type with errors. Yes, of course it was me. You understood right away. Maybe you were following me? Okay, of course not. You didn't follow me. You probably approached me, but when we made an eye contact, we both lost that attitude.

"Hi," you look halfway at me, halfway at my shoes.

"Hi," I say, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Long time no see, how are you?" you ask with a slight smile.

"Everything's fine," I say, smiling back. I won't say that I've been killing myself all these days for you.

Hideo:

On the one hand, I'm glad you're doing great. And on the other hand, I feel a prick of jealousy. Didn't you think of me at all? After all, I was killing myself for you.

"Great, I'm very happy for you," I answer lostly, but with direction.

I want to hide my sadness, but it's hard for me. There was a pause between us.
With a roar and wind, another train passes us, but none of us is in a hurry to get on it.

Suddenly you rise to my sight, and now I see a lively gleam in your eyes. A glimmer of sincerity. Now I understand, it seems that seconds earlier you were out of tune. I want to sincerely talk about everything, but lack the courage. I feel that if I tell you that I have one foot in this world, then you will turn away from me. After all, it is better for people not to talk about their problems. I'm just afraid of losing you and being disappointed in you.
I don't want you to be empty.