Faded

7. Insomnia | 不眠症

Izumi:

One day my friend didn't come home.

I didn't sleep well that night. Several times I tried to fall asleep, took sleeping pills, then woke up again. Noise, everywhere there was some irritable noise. I angrily slammed the window, the door to the balcony, knelt down and covered my ears with my hands almost in hysterics. It was still noisy.

Something strange was happening to me. I decided to call a friend and ask when he would come. I needed someone to talk to so I wouldn't go crazy. Like before. Sitting together on the balcony, listening to music in the column, and discussing everything that is possible. How I loved talking to him.

The clock was four in the morning. It was not my friend who answered the call, but the policeman. He did not immediately figure out what language to speak with me (I knew only basic phrases in Japanese), and then switched to English.

"Yes. Detained. Sold drugs to foreigners. Didn't you know? What will happen? Sit down. How much? Not yet known. There will be an investigation."

I closed the balcony again, returned to the room. She lay down on the floor and began to sob silently, surrounded by huge soft toys that we won together with him in the slot machines in Akihabara.

Something died inside of me. It was as if someone abruptly turned my life in the other direction and I fell out of my carefree teenage world into a cruel reality.

I felt so bad. Despite the time, I called you.

Hideo:

That night I didn't sleep. I was expecting your call. I knew in advance that you would need to be consoled. Half an hour later I was at your house. In this apartment, all things still reminded that two people lived here. Now you are alone.

There's not much space in your room, but it's very nice. A samurai sword hangs above the bed, illuminated by an LED strip. Toys. Paints and easel.

It's nice to fall asleep with you. This is exactly what I was missing. Our legs are intertwined, and your little nose is perfectly aligned against my jawline. I feel your light breath on my neck. I gently squeeze the fragile hand of your hand, your thin fingers nervously tapping on my chest until you fall asleep.

I think about what I did and I get scared.

Why did I do this? Jealousy? But I knew you were just friends, and I tracked him anyway. And then he gave it to the police.

I don't even know what is more disgusting - my anonymous call or the desire to possess you? 

How do you think?

However, it doesn't matter. My feelings have gone too far.

There was no way back.