Faded

4. Gradient Sky | 勾配

Izumi:

Loneliness is more important to me than being in society. I'm not antisocial, I'm just more comfortable in the company of myself. People called me narcissistic, but I don't think so. Solitude is beautiful. Such a meditative state, no one is able to share it.

That's what I thought before I met you. So I keep thinking about you. There comes a moment in everyone's life. You meet a soulmate and discover new facets of yourself through him.

Hideo:

It took me a long time to decide to write to you. I was afraid to appear intrusive. Lying in bed feeling unwell. Became paler than usual. I don't even take my mask off at home. But I really want to see you, it seems that my health will improve, although I know that I am dying. I understand that it is already evening, and I won't be able to walk for a long time, so I suggested you to walk from Harajuku to Shibuya. You didn't answer right away, making me a little nervous, but you agreed anyway. The heat began to subside, the is air cool and pleasant. You meet me smilingly at the station, hugging me as a sign of greeting. With each meeting, your hugs are getting stronger. I try to speak as much as possible. You are a little shy of me, I am also lost from this. Probably, if I hadn't been in love with you, communication would have been much easier.

Izumi:

I don't look around waiting for you at the station, it's exciting for me to meet your eyes, my heart beats very fast and I'm confused. You touch my shoulder, I can't help but smile. It's so nice to hug you. We didn't talk for almost three months. Then we parted on a strange note. You disappeared after we kissed. The funny thing is, almost a week later you found yourself a girlfriend. And now we're walking with you and talking as if none of this happened. You again talk about how your allergies tormented you, share your plans for the future. A future that you won't have. I didn't know it then.

Hideo:

We reach the bridge. Skyscrapers are drowning in the bright colors of a gradient sunset. Somewhere in the distance you can hear the noise of the city, subway lines, highways. Gradually the sounds become muffled. I remember the day we watched the cherry blossoms. I want to make that mistake again. I want to touch you again for a second. I want to tell the whole truth. I don't have any allergies. I want to say even more about my feelings for you, without a filter.

"In the three months that we did not see each other, I wrote you about a hundred notes."

You look at me with incomprehension.

"These were little origami messages that I made."

"But I didn't see them," you answer, still not understanding what I'm talking about.

Of course you haven't seen them.
Every night, sitting on the balcony in utter solitude, I burned one paper crane, inside of which was written:

"I love you," I said as I watched the sunset.

Izumi:

You said it in a low voice, not even looking at me. I wanted to cry, but my expression didn't change.

"No one ever told me that. No one I would love back."

You continued to watch the sunset.

"So I shouldn't have said that," you suddenly answered. On the one hand, you and I are always on the same wavelength. On the other hand, sometimes I don't understand you at all. The heart seemed to stop.

Hideo:

It was hard for me to breathe through the mask. Do you love me? It's so easy to get over pride.

"Now we will fall into this abyss together," I said.

Yes, and still. Why try to be good if you can't. I don't want to hurt you at all, I will give you that love that I can no longer restrain. I turned around and wrapped my arms around you.

I never want to let you go.

Even when I die, I will haunt you.

The gradient sky slowly turned dark blue.