You Captured By Me

Chapter 27

Jennie, I know that many times in my life I have been lame.

When I was young, I always tripped on the stairs, sometimes slipping even if the floor is not slippery, often tripping on the ground and getting hurt on the knee.

But the moment I ran and bolted
out the door after Wendy came to my room to tell me that you've been in an accident and that you were likely not going to survive, after I almost wrecked the elevator buttons because none would come fast enough to get me to where you are, after I decided to just take the stairs, I felt my knees give way to the ground as it finally sunk on me that I might lose you any moment now. It felt like I have lost each and every single reason to remain standing.

Jennie, don't leave me like this.
Jennie, I can't do this. Jennie, I can't.

Jennie, when you leave my life, I will not able to get up again.

When I finally mustered every single ounce of my remaining strength to find the way to the Emergency Room, I almost kicked the door open even though I knew the operation was ongoing and that they were trying all their best to save you. I was no longer in my right mind I can no longer think straight. When I saw a glimpse of your face covered with blood, I lost it. I ran so that I could embrace you but the doctor and the nurses stopped me in time before I could even reach you, pushing me out of the room with all.their might.

"Dr. Manoban, she is in a very
critical state right now, we are doing what we can do"

"Doc, i just want to see her...she's
going to be my wife...she's my
wife...Doc, please, I'm going to marry her. I want to see her...Doc.."

All of a sudden, Jisoo entered the
Emergency room and wrapped her
arms around me so she could drag me outside and also so she could comfort me and keep me from breaking down completely.

"Lisa.."

"Jisoo,...there's a lot of blood, JISOO MY WIFE...I NEED TO SEE HER...I CAN'T LOSE HER! I WILL DIE. JENNIE..."

Jennie, all my life, I never saw Jisoo crying, but she joined me in tears she accompanied me to get hurt and she led me to the waiting area when I have calmed down a little bit.

Wendy came a few minutes later to hand me the contents of your bag retrieved from the scene where the accident happened. Even Wendy's eyes were red from crying and I know that just like Jisoo, she was hurting for me too. She sat on my left while Jisoo sat on my right, the two of them respectfully watching me fall apart, silently holding me together on all sides so that I would not go completely crazy from worry and sadness and pain, just like what they've always done in all the years of our friendship. Wendy also gently handed me a small ziploc bag containing your personal items
your wristwatch, your earrings and
the diamond ring that I've given you,
coated in blood.

There was a little pink journal full of
your entries from when I left a year
ago all the way until the present.

Lisa,

Hahaha, I just named my
brand-new journal after you! I
know we've just burned my old
diary (along with the letters you
wrote to Lia) a few days ago in Jeju, so today, after I drove you and dropped you off at the airport for your flight to Ohio, I went to a bookstore to buy this. Don't worry love, I'm done writing sad words and painful letters. This time around, I'm writing down all of my happy dreams for our future. This will be a record of all my plans for our wedding and I can't wait to read this with you on our wedding night, and on all of the anniversaries we are going
to celebrate. Lisa, when I let you read this, I hope you would
know and feel how thankful I
am for all of the memories we've
made and those we still keep on
making. don't cry, okay? I really hate seeing you cry Lisa. More than anything else, thank you for making me look forward to a beautiful future with you. I hope
this small journal would be proof
of how I can't wait to be your bride, your wife, mother to your kids. This is how excited I am. This is how much I long to spend the rest of my life with you. This is how much I love you, Lalisa Manoban.

PS: For your eyes only, okay?

Jennie

At 4:16 PM, they pronounced you
dead.

At 4:16 PM you left me and my life
will never be the same again, Jennie.

At 4:16 PM, the world lost all its colors.

When they finally allowed me to see you, I felt my whole life draining away from me as I stare at your bruised and broken body. I remember all the times I've made love to you, all the moments you've allowed me to admire you in all
of your beauty, and it's so unbearably painful that all of that beauty is gone now-unmoving, cold, lifeless.

It feels like I'm going blind, Jennie. Everything in my world went dark. I don't want to see any light now. I just want to come with you. Take me anywhere, Jennie. Take me with you.

So today I was thinking of whether I want a Beach or a Garden wedding, and Lisa, it's so hard to decide because I want to walk the aisle of beautiful flowers and experience a magical ceremony with you, but at the same time I also dream of walking barefoot on a beach and hear you say I DO as the sun rises in the background. Where do you want to get married, Lisa?

I will marry you anywhere, Jennie.
I will marry you over and over again.

I was looking at wedding gowns
the entire week and suddenly I
can COMPLETELY understand
the perennial dilemma of all my
clients. CHOOSING WHAT TO
WEAR ON YOUR WEDDING DAY
IS SERIOUSLY SO DAMN HARD,
Lisa. Is it really hard. But it's a beautiful problem, love, and
I'm still grateful. Because you've
already assured me that all I
have to do is show up. Should I
really wear a white T-shirt on our
wedding day?

I hug you so tight. Your body is so cold, Jennie. Love, your favorite jacket is here. wake up, please. Please, hug me again, Jennie.
I love you so much. You promised me that you will stay by side forever. I'll give anything, Jennie, just wake up.

It seems like I'm repeating myself to be killed when I forced myself to
find your heartbeat, like I always do every after we give ourselves to each other, and now, I didn't hear any. You really left me, Jennie.

All my memories of you and
everything you've ever told me came rushing to me like a flood and I tried so hard to hold on to all the glimpses of you that I remember.

I see you holding my hands in Jeju
and telling me:

"You can survive this, Lisa. You will become an even more excellent doctor and you will help a lot of kids. And I will always die a little every day too, whenever I miss you, but I will always, always be so proud that you are strong enough to do this."

I see your eyes lighting up with the
brightness of a thousand stars when we were at the top of the world on the day you said that you have chosen me too, the day you accepted me as your girlfriend. I see the moment you ve tearfully but bravely said yes to marrying me the day I came back home to you. I see us kissing and holding on to each other at the backseat of my car just before the sunrise on our first day as a couple and you asking me to promise you that I will always begin no matter what.

Eternal beginnings.

Jennie, How do i start again that you're gone?

I held your hand. The 27 bones that
hold my world together are all broken now.

I reached for the diamond ring from the pocket of my pants and for the second and last time, I slipped it on your finger.

There would be no one else, love. I
promised you this before and I still
promise you this now:

No matter how many times I start,
It will always been you, Jennie.

always you until the end.