Power and Lies

Thirty-Six

"Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child." —Tina Brown

Completion was, in theory, a totally attainable feeling. Freya had thought that her relationship with Tommy had completed her- made her a whole human, when she had been only half a soul previously. But now Freya could see that it was not Tommy that completed her. It was the absolutely perfect baby she held swaddled within her arms. Never had such a love existed within her. This frail little human could have all of the years left she had on this earth if he wanted it. Looking towards Tommy she could easily tell he felt the same way.

Love had been such a pure thing before, but this was something far beyond love. This was a cosmic happening. Freya did not necessarily feel like a mother, though. She had not yet carried her baby past the confines of her bed, though she truly felt once her baby returned to her home with her she would feel every bit the mother he had made her. She was certain of it.

The wee hours of the morning he had come into this life, screaming with the same energy and tenacity gifted to him by his father. And Freya had screamed with him, her body ripped to shreds and pain waving through her in ways she had never experienced.

Tommy had not been allowed in the room as she gave birth to his son, but she could hear his desperate questions being asked just beyond the door. She wanted him with her so desperately, but the moment she heard him crying she no longer cared where he was, as long as his baby was safe and sound. At the sound of him crying the door hurled open, Tommy no longer allowing himself to be subdued. And when he placed his eyes upon the tiny one she saw a spark in him she had never seen before. She knew for that infinitesimal moment of time that she no longer existed to him either.

"He is beautiful," Tommy whispered to her, bringing himself to her side and reaching down to kiss her forehead. It was beaded in sweat, but he did not care.

"Yes," she agreed, "He is."

She was not sure when she managed to sleep, perhaps sometime within the morning or afternoon. She was unsure the time. She only existed within the wails of the hungry child. The nurses fussed about trying to make her as comfortable as possible, and the baby well fed. At some point Tommy had returned to work, trying to put as many things in order as he could to be able to spend his nights at home with his new family. She could picture him, stone faced at his desk, writing away with the furious intensity she used to see in him. It seemed like so very long ago that she had met him. Yet, she was not entirely sure she could remember her life before Tommy at this point.

Finally Freya simply had enough and demanded to return to her home, and although reluctant to agree, they knew better than to argue against the name Shelby. And so it came to be that Freya had bundled up her son and made her way home without Tommy even having an idea.

It was night when the door burst open, and Tommy stood there, chest heaving in exasperation. "Bloody fucking hell Freya. You can't just be running off like that with our son." He practically shouted. She had startled, wincing when the baby began to cry.

"I just got him to sleep." She seethed. Exhaustion was running deep within her bones, and her head throbbed from the sound of her child screaming. She could imagine no greater love, but no louder love either. "I couldn't take another minute in that hospital Thomas, you know what I have been through there." His body language relaxed at that point, his shoulders dropping, and his breathing becoming more rhythmic.

"I am sorry." He spoke after a minute and she shrugged. She knew he was sorry. It did nothing to soothe the infant she had now picked up. "Here, I will take him. You get some rest." She passed the baby over happily and made her way to the bedroom, happy to be somewhere quiet. Even if for a minute.

It was a symphony of tears and screams, but she was happy to hear it. And later on when the crying stopped, she feasted her eyes upon the beautiful sight of Tommy cradling their soon, gently rocking him as he slept.