From The Razor to The Rosary (Frerard)

1. If this is better, I want to disappear

Added triggers: Alcoholism and mention of death and cancer

It felt like forever, but it was the day I'd be walking into the new school where I'd be learning amongst 1000 other students. The cold sun rays now burst through my thin curtains coated in dust. I lay on my bed, covered in the layers of my musty blankets. I never wanted to leave the warmth of my bed.

The obnoxious sound screeched into my numb ears, signaling it was time to start my day. My alarm clock read '6:05 am'. Already?

I leaned over and hit the 'off' button to then roll into a burrito of my blankets. I didn't want to go to school, I just wanted to sleep forever.

I managed to drag myself out of the house in the span of 40 minutes after struggling to wake myself up. I threw on my usual pair of black skinny jeans, a faded band t-shirt that hadn't been washed in weeks, and a black fringe that covered the smudged eyeliner I wore. I had little idea where my mom was currently, I assumed she was probably hung over at one of her five boyfriend's houses. For my dad, however, I knew exactly where he was. He lay deceased, at the cemetery of where I previously lived. I wished more than anything to move back so I could visit his grave again. I last visited him a few weeks ago before I moved across New Jersey.

My dad had passed due to cancer when I was just 15, over two years ago now. Since then, life seemed to be lacking of the vibrance my dad gave.

I had finished in a struggle to get ready for what life was to give me that day. I finally left my house and was headed to school on the side of a road.

20 dreadful minutes of walking passed by and I arrived at school. My eyes paced around, looking through my hair and glancing at other people casually entering the gates of shiny hell. I set my backpack down and pretended to look for something when I felt a snicker directed toward my vicinity. I lifted my gaze to see a group of boys that seemed to be a direct copy and paste of each other that were clearly mocking my appearance. I tried my best to ignore it all and brushed past them into school to find my first class.

Everything was blurry and unfamiliar that day. Teacher after teacher, putting on their sweetest act knowing the next day they were going to practically drown me in their mountains of words and assignments.

I knew to prepare for the overwhelming amount of work we were to be given, but I'd never actually be able to do it all before the deadline and end up sane.

Lunch consisted of me sitting on the cafeteria floor, wishing I was invisible. Whatever 'food' they provided us with sucked, and so did everything else. Clearly, nobody had shown the slightest of interest in me so far, but it was whatever.

After a long anxious day of absorbing new information, I was finally on my way home. The soft breeze blew behind my bangs, revealing my cold hazel eyes for all to see.

All I wanted in the moment was to hear the sound of concrete under my feet and the breath that left my body. But I never got what I wanted for a day unless I wished to be made fun of.

"Emo fag!"

The words came from behind me followed by an ugly excuse of laughter. I whipped my head around to be greeted by two boys just about 5 feet away from me. I met them with a scowl and attempted to speed up my walking, but they only sped up too.

"Eww, they're so fucking emo!" One of them snickered after they had seen the front of me. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy escape, I had little idea of what to do.

I looked down at my feet as I tried walking away when I felt two firm hands on my back. One of them had pushed me with such force that nearly made me fall and eat shit. That would've been embarrassing, however, this situation was embarrassing no matter what.

I turned my whole body this time and spoke with a steady voice and piercing eyes, "What the fuck do you want?" My eyes paced between the two of them.

"It speaks!"

It? Really? I stood there waiting, it was two against one. I was a scrawny emo kid, I wasn't going to fight back just like that.

Just as I expected another shove or a slur, I heard somebody speak, "Who's this?"

I looked up from the asphalt to see a kid with short light brown hair with bangs that fell over his face just lightly covering his eyebrows. Behind the glasses he wore that sat on the edge of his nose were heavy hazel eyes. He had dressed in fairly 'normal' clothing, gray jeans, and some band t-shirt. Nothing odd really.

"Ugh, Mikey what do you want?"

His name was Mikey. He gave a cold look and glared at the two other boys.

"Is this the new kid, Frank?" Mikey asked the two boys as if they knew who I was.

Wait, he knows my name?

"Just leave him alone," Mikey paused and laid his gaze on me, "you are Frank, right?"

I glanced up and gave a small nod hoping he was possibly a friend. I hated having to eat lunch on the ground alone, but it was certain I'd find myself right there on the floor again the next day. It was something I'd just have to deal with.

I continued speed walking my way home on the street after Mikey had saved my pathetic self from being violently murdered on a Tuesday afternoon. I anxiously glanced around occasionally, afraid I'd randomly be harassed again. As I walked, I tried to focus on anything good that happened to me that day. The teachers were nice? Not a lot of people really cared to pay attention to me, and I didn't pay attention to them any more than I needed to.

I pushed the front door open in a squeak, hoping to see my mom smiling, ready to ask how my first day was. Nothing, she was passed out, her body splayed out on the couch of our half-decent living room that hadn't been cared for in years. I was left disappointed and rushed up the stairs with anxiety in each step to my room. I threw my bag down and rested my face into my open palms as I sat on the edge of my bed.

Maybe if I disappeared, everybody would be happier.

This new 'home' wasn't better like my mom told me it would be. First day of school, and nobody had given me a chance so far. Except for this Mikey kid, he kind of cared? I just wanted to go back to my real home already, where my dad was. I wanted to disappear from this Earth forever if this really was going to be my new 'home'. But that's not possible without it being a violent process. I just wanted it to be peaceful for a day in my life. God, you're pathetic, just get it over it, Frank. It's never gonna be peaceful.

hii^ first chapter of the fanfic, ive never written fanfiction before so i hope this was somewhat interesting? this first chapter is really just an introduction. i also might publish the second chapter later today because this was kinda short and i have it finished. let me know what you think, i'll be updating you and stuff on future chapters^