I feel very depressed today.
"What's wrong?" Spencer asks. We're in the moving truck. We got a trailer that both of our cars are on. I've said about one sentence. Everyone is traveling with us.
I sigh. I feel like crying.
I know what the problem is.
I just don't want to voice it.
I don't really know that I can voice it.
But this is Spencer.
"You can't tell anyone." I mumble, looking out the window. He grabs my hand.
"I won't." he says.
I sigh. "I miss my Dad and something tells me that their story is bullshit."
I don't need to look at him to know he's frowning.
your Dad is behind us." He says.
I shake my head.
"He isn't my Dad, Spencer. I mean, maybe he is biologically...to me though...he's not."
He's quiet, just waiting for me to continue.
"Last night, I had a dream. I remember when I was eight..."
Daddy walks me down the aisle to the next door neighbor, Lucas.
"One day, I'm really going to be walking you down the aisle."
"Uncle Albert was never there. I don't know, I just find it kind of convenient that he shows up in my life when my Dad is gone and how he just tells me I'm really his kid when he dies." I sigh. "I miss him, and just driving with you, it gives me memories that make me miss him more. I don't want to pretend that Uncle Albert is my Dad. It pisses everyone off that I don't call him Dad how Caitlyn does. He's just...he's not my Dad. Also, I look absolutely nothing like Uncle Albert and a hell of a lot more like Dad."
"So what are you saying?" he asks.
"I'm saying two things. One thing is that I don't think he's dead. The second thing is that he's my Dad. Biologically." I hesitate. "Also, I'm saying I miss him."
He's quiet for a long time. "What if you're right?"
"I have some friends from college that can help me. I want to find out before the wedding. I don't want Uncle Albert to walk me down the aisle unless he really is my Dad."
"Didn't' you go to his funeral?"
"Yes. They didn't show his bod because it was too gruesome."
"He stabbed himself. They would've covered it." He says quietly.
"I know." I sigh.
"Well," he says. "I'm with you every step of the way."
****
Almost a week later, we got to LA.
Right when we pass the Welcome to Los Angeles sign, my phone starts ringing and it's Mom.
"Hey." I say.
"How about we drop the trucks at our houses and meet up at the park and go find somewhere to eat?" she suggests.
"Alright."
She hesitates. "What park?"
"Griffith Park. Put it in the GPS."
