Sempiternal: •Broken• || Book 2#

30. Insecurity

"Time to go! Take what you can spare!"

Getting the last of the supplies onto the huge bus takes a couple more minutes. While they will drive in the bus, they will ride as usual in the jeeps, a little ahead in case there are any traps. Better to miss the jeeps than miss the designated sleeping bus if they can't find shelter.

They haven't talked much more since yesterday. The tension between Jin and Namjoon is very palpable. Jungkook goes to look for Namjoon, finding him in the bathroom complaining about a cut on the head.

"Wow, that was extreme," Jungkook comments, surprised by the haircut. Quite low and it was a bit uneven. "Sit down for a moment, I'll fix it.

Namjoon complies and Jungkook turns on the battery-powered razor. It evens out all the hair and Namjoon sneezes, scratching his neck. Annoyed with so much hair on his clothes.

"Why did you cut it?" asks Jungkook leaving the shaver in the sink.

"It was too tangled." replies Namjoon.

In his defense, it's true: it got really tangled and it took longer to untangle it than just cutting it. On the other hand, it wants to stay that way for a while. As long as it takes to grow back. He stares at himself in the mirror for a moment, slouching. His head hurts like hell, he's sleepy, his body aches in general, and he'd like to just sit there and think of nothing else.

"Namjoon" He startles at Jungkook's call. "We have to go. Let's go." encourages the younger one and Namjoon nods, getting up.

Being outside he causes surprise with such a radical change of style. Jin is the only one who doesn't say anything to him about it, almost ignoring him as he gets into the car. "It looks great on you."

Hoseok's praise is shy, almost scared of getting a bad reaction. Namjoon drops his head to the side.

"I wish it felt just as good. I'm cold and my hairy shirt bothers me." he replies eloquently and somewhat jokingly; Hoseok widens the awkward smile further. If Namjoon wants to pretend normalcy, he will do the same so as not to make him uncomfortable.

He is good at pretending and self-deception, he can do it for Namjoon this time. Taehyung goes up with Hoseok and Jin; Namjoon goes with Yoongi and Jungkook. Monie jumps onto Namjoon's lap, barking and settling on his owner, switching shortly after to barking out the open window.

Namjoon leans his forehead against the car door, his eyes narrowed and hands hovering on Monie. There's still a long way to go and he can't feel bad. Or rather, make it noticeable, make it important. He must keep these people confident enough to keep them going. Otherwise, it will be a failure.

Does it still hurt? Yes.

Are you afraid? Yes.

Have you been able to sleep? Not at all.

Will the world stop spinning because you don't know how to handle that pain and shame inside you? No.

And so he decides to ignore his own trauma for the sake of the future. Although in the long run it may be much worse.

~ * * * ~

"If we keep going north, we'll get to-"

"You guys hear that?" Namjoon's instruction is interrupted by one of the girls in the group. Taehyung furrows the eyebrows, hearing the same thing: cars.

"Put everything away and hide." orders Namjoon hastily putting the map away.

They gather what little they have taken out to set up the small makeshift camp. They hide inside the bus, placed behind some rubble to camouflage it. Yoongi, Hoseok and Jin enter the truck with the dogs restrained, inside they will not be heard if they bark. Jungkook, Namjoon and Taehyung are busy covering the jeeps. They don't want them to be stolen and passing them off as just scrap metal has worked very well so far.