Sempiternal: •Broken• || Book 2#

33. Necessary oaths

"Is something wrong with you?"

"No."

"Then why did you go out last night?"

Namjoon squints his eyes at Hoseok. He didn't think he would come to tell on him. Hoseok is usually more cowardly. The dancer waits for an answer that takes too long to come. Namjoon squeezes the bridge of his nose, clicks his tongue and turns his attention back to him.

"Did you tell anyone I went out?" asks Namjoon and Hoseok shakes his head.

"I thought it was better to talk to you," replies Hoseok. "I also wanted to believe that you would come back and well, you did" He lets out an unfunny laugh. "I guess I'm better at fooling myself about some things than others" he muses thoughtfully and Namjoon stretches his legs out on the floor. Both of them in the third floor hallway of the building they momentarily occupy. "One of them is believing that you and I are fine. When clearly we're not."

"We are fine."

"You haven't spoken to me since that happened." he cocks his head to the side to stare at Namjoon. The composer frowns and averts his gaze.

"We've talked."

"Not really."

"What do you want then? For me to tell you about everything that happened, that I'm glad. What do you want?"

"Tell me I'm a son of a bitch for killing a person."

The request is so genuine that it causes Namjoon confusion and even contradiction Why would he tell him something like that? Hoseok counts the birds flying by. Barely distinguishable in the dark, grayish Seoul sky. He drums his fingers on his leg and his mind continues in the same intense fight of trying to feel bad about what he did.

Namjoon lets out something resembling a laugh and his gesture is terribly cruel, so much so that it causes Hoseok to shiver.

"I'm not going to insult you for killing someone I wanted dead. I don't care that you did it. I'm happy it happened." assures Namjoon shamelessly, looking straight ahead with that crooked gesture and vacant eyes. Hoseok furrows his eyebrows.

"You're not supposed to say that! Tell me it was wrong! It shouldn't happen! I don't know!" shrieks Hoseok in despair. "IT'S MURDER...!"

"He was telling me that he was going to look for Jungkook" muses Namjoon in the same low voice, indifferent to Hoseok's crisis. "If I made a mistake, he would look for him and do the same to him. Do you have any idea how scared he was?" the smile widens. "Having spent so many years of taking care of Jungkook from the shitty world he decided to get into, for this guy to want to do the same."

Hoseok compunge his expression more, his eyes watery and hands trembling along with his heart rampaging and full of strength.

"I don't know what he did if he turned out to fail and make good on his threat. I don't know how, but however it was, I would have killed him," Namjoon assures him in an increasingly watery, altered voice. "I would have done anything to kill him if he dared to approach Jungkook."

"But... Namj-"

"I don't give a shit if it's murder, I don't care, I just wanted him dead for what he did to me and what he did to all of us" Namjoon's voice cracks and he clenches his hands in his arms. The lack of hair prevents him from being able to hide his compunction face on the verge of tears. "Why would you feel bad?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Maybe accepting that you did it will make you feel better."

Hoseok steps in front of him, grabbing his face and squeezing the other's cheeks. Namjoon continues with that vacant stare and Hoseok gives a broken whimper, relaxing his grip.