The Hidden Heart

Chapter 3

Pervious chapter:

"G was studying" I lied, You want to know something, I couldn't even share with him my feelings my day the things I heard, he would tell me to ignore it but thats not enough and he didn't want to hear for the most part or else i knew the response I would get, why don't you leave then?

I just didn't have the energy to deal with this anymore, I wish I could tell him and he would sooth me by saying sweet things or talking to me or just listening but I am 100% sure he zones out so I am alone in this.

I hate it I wish that I wouldn't be in this spot its ruined everyone, I ruined everyone.....

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28 days exactly...

Walking towards my next class I had one thought occupying every second of my life. The days left till he left. I was not ready for another long 6 months to not see him. Everything about it I was no looking forward to. The long distance, the distance between us that will occur this was something that was breaking me silently inside. 

Every time he went to Pakistan he became more and more distant and this time I was afraid he would not text or call let alone check up on me. Pakistan did have a bad influence on him at times and he wasn't ready to accept it. I can only tell him but he won't see it till it brings a distance between us. 

I was not wanting his personality to change, he and I had been clear from day one we didn't want someone that had a Pakistani mentality because we just simply did adapt to people like those and that meant a lot of things from caring for each other to helping each other out around house chores and our day to day tasks. 

Pakistan is not a bad place to live but when it comes to the influence it can leave on people it becomes scary and thus I get a bit agitated with him about this. I was not going to tolerate to be told what to do how to do it cleaning the house alone it was just different with me and he was aware this reality.  This was something that would be a work in process everything will be but I just pray to allah he will be understanding, he will know I am new to all this and that more then me he will have to be understanding for me to be comfortable. I pray that later in life we can live in more places with ease to and enjoy our life. 

I sighed shaking my head. Theres some people who don't have to stress this much because there husbands understand this and they make it work for both of them they make their wife happy by making sure where she's from they have ties there but the wife is just as supportive back. 

"Masha'Allah" I mumble to myself. I have tried telling him this but maybe he didn't get it. One thing that just bugs me is the way he thinks is how he thinks the world works. Many issues came to make this marriage happen but I am sure Allah has something beautiful plan after but then I get scared me saying that being supportive how others are will make both of us so happy but also at peace with each other but... his response is just what bugs me instead of maybe understanding he thinks how he wants things how it should be and thats not how it always is. 

I take a seat outside the lecture hall waiting for everyone to come out from the pervious lecture. I have become distracted in class with my thoughts but I can't really do anything about it either, what is there to do with these thoughts I just wish maybe allah conveys them to him some way. Maybe allah will help him be happy and open hearted. I am ready for everything but that doesn't mean I should always be ready to sacrifice my whole entire life on him, he should be able to make a change that won't be pleasant for him. This is a give and take, he was not like this but I am also just waiting to see him go back to what he was. 

I had received a message from a friend of mine, waiting outside to meet me. I was beyond excited to meet her as she was also now going to be the closest friend I will have in Pakistan. She had moved back with her husband to but she was back and forth with her husband here. I was aware of her and her husbands relationship from years they had met in high school but none of them mentioned what their future plans were till they were married.