Dead Inside(Kenneth McCormick x Butters Stotch yaoi)

Chapter One: What the Hell?

Kenny's POV

Aaghh!! This hurts so much!! My head is killing me and my stomach hurts so goddamned much right now... if this keeps up, I swear I'm going to kill myself again. It hurts that bad.

I've been this sick lately, and it doesn't seem to be contagious because no one else seems to have it. I've been going to school only because my parents made me.

To add to that, I've gotten this weird feeling in my gut. It sort of tingles and feels weird, like butterflies are tickling the inside of my stomache. It only happens at certain times during the day, and it has for a while.

There's no rhyme or reason to it. And it's pissing me off a bit too much for anyone's liking, even my own.

I groan and lay backwards on my bed. My cieling has my top three 'titty posters' nailed to it so that's what I fall asleep to, if I actually sleep.

Tonight... nah, I won't. I slept last night. I'll go a few more days, unless this sickness gets too much worse.

Then I'll just...

Die...

~*~

I sit up as soon as I see a glimps of sunlight and reach over to my dresser. I grab the short knife readily waiting for me and pull up my sleeves. There are so many scars, counting how long I've stayed alive. The ones from yesterday still look fresh.

Out of nowhere, I hear the door open.

"Kenny?" I quickly set the knife to the side and look up.

"Karen, what are you doing awake?" I ask, standing up.

"I should ask the same thing." She replies, walking in. "And don't think I didn't see that blade." I look down.

Damnit...

"Go back to your room Karen." I cough a bit. She shakes her head. "What do you need?" I ask, walking over to her and kneeling down to her size.

"I saw you just sitting there for a while. I've been awake for a bit and I came in when I realized what you were about to do." Damn keyhole...

"Well, you obviously stopped me." I say. "If you've been awake for a while, then go back to sleep." I tell her.

She walks closer. "Well, I kinda haven't stopped you yet, and since I don't trust you-" She basically jumps onto my bed and rolls off like a ninja. I watch her run out of my room. I look at the bed and see my knife gone.

I sigh and walk over to the door. I close and lock it this time. I go over to my drawer and pull out my backup.

"Not quite, Karen. I still have a backup." I whisper to myself.

I take the blade and slit the wrist with the most recent marks on it. Fifteen straight days of being alive. Three more days, and that's a new record.

I'm betting I won't last that long.

~*~

I stand at the bus stop waiting for anyone else to come.

After a bit, I see Kyle coming alone.

Yes, someone I can talk to!! He walks up and stands next to me.

"Hey Kenny." He says.

"Kyle, I have an important question!" I say.

He rolls his eyes. "Hi, Kyle. Nice morning, isn't it? Yeah, it's nice as a morning can get." He looks at me with an annoyed face.

I sigh. "Hi Kyle. Nice morning, isn't it?" I copy him.

"Yeah, it's nice as a morning can get." He repeats.

"I have a question for you." I say.

He looks at me with a normal face. "What?"

"Alright, I've had this weird feeling in my gut lately and I'm at a loss to what it is." I start. He nods. "It's like... like something is tickling the inside of my stomache. I get tense, and I loose feeling in my feet when it happens. It doesn't happen at any set time, and I have found no rhyme or reason in it. At all. And it's been happening for a while now. What the fuck is happening to me?" I explain everything. By this moment, his eyes were wide open and his mouth almost to the floor.

"Dude, I get that you don't know what it is, and I know why. But I don't think you're going to like what's going on." I cough a bit.

"Just tell me what it is." I demand.

He inhales and comes to my ear. He starts whispering. "I hate to say it, I hate to see your reaction, but Ken, I don't know with who, but." He pauses for a second. "You're in love." My eyes widen as he backs away. I feel my eye twitch. I start coughing.

What the fuck?!? What does he mean, I'm in love?!? Kenny McCormick can't be in love, he won't be able to have sex with anyone else ever again because he's not a cheating basterd! The one-night-stand man cannot be in love.

I continue to cough, I can't stop. I fall to the ground and clutch my chest. My lungs feel like they're burning up.

"Kenny!" Kyle yells. Goddamnit, I'm gonna die in front of people.

I look at the ground and see blood all over the snow.

Just make it fucking stop! I make myself cough harder. I need to die right now. I cough for a while longer before before pucking up what looked to be my own stomache. I smile and started laughing and coughing more.

"Kenny, what the fuck? Stop laughing!" Kyle yells at me. I see everything go dark.

Thank god, it's over for now.

I'll wake up tomorrow, and everything will start back up again.

~*~

I open my eyes to my three 'titty posters'. I'm not sick anymore, I don't feel it.

In love? I can't be. And with who?

Aaggh!!! I can't take this, I can't be in love! It's impossible!

I sit up and stand next to my bed. I sigh and pull out my blade.

I've become addicted to this thing. I use it to count the days I wake up, and I never miss a day. The one time I did was because I had guests over and they didn't know yet. I was freaking out the whole day.

I slit my left arm once.

Day one begins now.

I get up and walk out of my room and out of the house to the bus stop. I notice Stan and Cartman already standing there. I stand next to Cartman, as always.

"Hey, Kinnee." He says. I don't say anything.

After a minute, Kyle walks up.

He'll remember the conversation, just not what it caused. He doesn't say a word. By the look in his eye, I can definitely see that he remembered.

The bus pulls up and we get in.

~*~

I've been walking around all day paying attention to when I feel that weird way. It happens when I'm around people, obviously, and I've taken mental notes of who it happens around.

By the end of the day, it's down to seven people: Tammi, Cartman, Butters, Annie, Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi. It's happened when I've been around all of them just about at once.

Damn it!! Who is it??

No, I don't care if it's a guy. I've fucked almost every girl and many guys in the high school already. It doesn't matter to me, just as long as I'm happy by the end of the night.

I just want to know who it is. Right now.

But, even if it's me who should know, I'll have to wait to find out.

~*~