Alina's POV
And once again, she was running away from the little palace.
They dragged on for what felt like miles until Alina's legs burned with exhaustion and felt like they would just give way beneath her. Mal pushed on, saying they needed as much distance as possible between them and the darkling.
The darkling, the black heretic, general Kirigan, Alexander.
Alexander.
She knew his name, no other knew. He had only told her, she thought about it often. What had happened on the fold that day. Never once sharing her thoughts with Mal. Part of her ached deep into her bones when she thought about. Her mind would scream at her to turn it off but she never could.
Everything Alex had stood for, stands for, was everything she was trying to forget. Everything she knew Mal was disappointed in her for being. For being Grisha, for being the sun summoner, an orphan, a liar, dishonest, un-trusting, disloyal, ugly, strange, Shu. The list went on with every disappointment she had under her belt. She wondered why Mal loved her.
On bad days like this she wondered if Mal loved her.
The forest around grew thicker and heavier, the little palace long behind them. Her legs began to burn as they began to ascend the mountain's that surrounded the little palace. Her heart ached the further they went, her mind drifted off to Genya. Her tailor, her first friend when she had become the sun summoner, her best friend.
Alina reminded her self that Genya had betrayed her. Genya had lied and tricked her into becoming comfortable. Into contentment. It was the darkling doing of course, he had to have deceived her. To have forced her to, to.
What had she been forced to do? Genya didn't trust the darkling, she didn't want him to become the king of Ravaka. The king had died long ago, she hadn't been very involved in the politics since she had begun working at the orphanage.
The darkling had been keeping her in the dark about his plans, she had only recently found out he been working on becoming the king of Ravaka before Mal had come to get her. Letting her mind wander she thought over the last few weeks. Somehow when the darkling had come back he had brought others back with him. Ivan and Fedyor being the two most relevant to her.
Ivan was very guarded around her, his eyes always taking in every detail and his body remained ridged and ready as if she were about to pull out a knife and stab someone.
She felt guilty for that. They had both been kind to her and yet she felt she was the cause of their deaths. What had hurt her the most was the way Ivan always parted her from Fedyor, using his body as a barricade between them. Fedyor did the same, watching her, he stood deathly still when ever she moved past Ivan. As if he physically need to restrain him self from snatching Ivan away from her.
She recalled one distinct night the darkling had been away and Ivan had been ordered to remain in the room with her and to watch her. She had complained for awhile before she had begrudgingly complied. Fedyor, however, was not pleased with that. She had been sent into a separate room. That night she listened to the darkling and Fedyor argue for hours on end.
There was one phrase that had haunted her and still did. It was when Fedyor had started sobbing and screaming at Alexander, "How would you feel if you watched the life drain from the love of your lives eyes while the crowd around you screamed the murders sainthood!!!" after that Fedyor along with Ivan had stormed out of the room.
She never saw Fedyor or Ivan again after that, she knew they both were still alive when she heard Ivan speak with the darkling and if Fedyor brought Ivan dinner when he was on watch.
She did not know if Alexander understood what Fedyor felt but she did. She did all too well.
The one question that spiraled in her head still was,
'Was it Alexander or Mal that she was thinking of'.
Authors Note
This is such a short chapter, I mainly just have something I really wanted to share but don't have anyone to share with so I'm sharing with y'all. I have this bracelet I've been wearing for well over a year. It had a little tag on it that said "make a wish and when it falls off the wish has come true" or somthin. Well I had wished to feel comfortable and happy in my own body and for me to be able to fully embrace who I am, no matter what.
Well Im not shy about saying that I'm bisexual and non-binary/neo-prouns. And today I just kinda was like, yeah, this feels rights. This feels more right then ever before, and I kid you not 5 mins later the bracelet just fell off. And I just feel so valid rn, and want to share that with someone :)
Any way I hope u have a ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC MOTHERF*CKING DAY! Sleep well, eat something u like and stay hydrated <3
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If the Stars Would Meet for Us
Fanfic"Don't let me be alone," he murmured. His head dripping heavy into the weight of my lap. For the first time Alina felt like she saw him. Not the darkling, or the black heretic. Not the roles he had forced him self to play, not the narrative that ha...
