Little Things

034

"What do you want Daph?"

"I'm sorry, is this a bad time?" I began to chew on my thumb. I've quit biting my nails countless of times yet he was making me nervous. "What are you doing?"

"Why do you wanna know? You're not my girlfriend, I don't have to tell you shit"

"Do you- do you have a girlfriend?"

"I'm not answering that"

-

"WHEN WERE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GONNA TELL ME NICK HAS A GIRLFRIEND??" I yell into my ear phone with Erin and Wisteria. "I'M SO FUCKING GLAD I DIDN'T CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION WITHOUT ASKING THAT QUESTION BECAUSE THAT WOULD'VE BEEN MAD EMBARASSING "

"George just ate and drilled the fuck out of my hole, do I look like I care about your relationship problems with Nick?"

"What does tha-"
"My love, don't even bother asking"

"God I'm so fucking frustrated! I say that I'm mentally unstable to be in a relationship, he says he'd help and support any decision I make, and then he acts like a child! I said I wanted to be friends and he makes it seem like he is physically unable to do that without throwing a tantrum"

At this point, he started to just sicken me. I liked him, yeah, but I was starting to just hate him. The thought of him pissed me off when it should've brought me joy.

He knew my past trauma with relationships and why I doubted them so much and he managed to make it worse.

Thankfully Erin and Wisteria understood how important the problem was for me and ended up letting their partners out of the room for privacy. Wisteria didn't speak much because she didn't really know how to help but she kept trying to keep it positive by calming me down when I was getting tensed.

"He doesn't have a girlfriend Daph, he didn't even say he did. You just assumed from the fact he didn't want to answer"

"No, he knows damn well I still like him and refusing to answer means that there is something he doesn't want me to know" Without knowing, my eyes started tearing up. I don't know if it was from sadness or from anger. "I just want one person to understand that if I like them, I would do everything for them. But I also want one that understands that if I'm not ready, I can't force myself even if I tried"

"A good person would understand that. Believe me, I'm on your side, but Nick has never had a girlfriend and probably was too excited to have one to understand that he was starting to stress you out"

"He said he wasn't ready! I remember telling him that I wasn't ready and he said he wasn't either. We both agreed to stay somewhat without a label so we were with each other but not officially a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But all I do is simply say that it was starting to overwhelm me and he starts dating someone else. What am I, some kind of toy?"

"Daphne, fuck him, do whatever you want now that you aren't with him. You have the freedom to do things without having to update someone about where you are, what you're doing, if you're okay, everything. You can go out, get drunk, and flirt with people all you want now that he's out of the way. You can finally have the early adult life fun you are supposed to"

"Kind of hard to do that when I have no one to do it with. If I do get drunk, my brother would be disappointed and probably wouldn't pick me up. I'm scared of getting pregnant if I do end up doing that like my sister who has like 3 children at 22.. Kai won't be here for months and I got no friends in California that I could trust with me under the influence" The list could go on and on about why I didn't want to get drunk. It's like putting my entire life in danger by doing so.