Little Things

036

// self harm, alcohol, drug use

"Are you crazy? I'm not blocking you anywhere. If you wanted to cut me off, why would you post those pictures?" I know I was talking nonsense, but it was all I could think of at the moment.

"Unfollow that account if you want, I'll be using it as a diary by storing all your pictures there. I'm not staying in contact with you for my own sake"

"Do you really want to? We can figure out a different way to help you"

"I want a relationship and I always have. What's the point of putting all my energy on you if you're not gonna give it to
me? Being friends with you will drain me completely and I would rather be single without friends than be friends with someone that I have basically had a failed relationship with. Even if we did stay friends, you have to admit, it won't be the same anymore"

"I will give you a relationship, I just need time. Nick, please don't give up this fast. You've waited a long time for a relationship so just wait a little longer for me"

Sometimes I hated that I was going through things. I blame myself for setting myself up for this. I kept ignoring my problems since high school and the effect of the unsolved trauma ended up resurfacing when I least needed it to.

"No, I need you to understand that your trauma conflicts with mine. I desperately need assurance because the last
person that I've liked had hold off our 'relationship' for two weeks before laughing at me in front of everyone. I'm surprised I had hope with you for a month"

His words stung me harder than it should've. But there wasn't anything I could do now.

"So you're just gonna leave like this? I'm planning on moving back to Florida in 5 months just for you and somehow you're cutting me off?"

"If you're ready for a relationship in 5 months, contact me. For now, I'm ending whatever friendship or relationship we have right now. If you did something you believed was right for your mental health, I need to do what I believe is right
for mine. Honesty, thanks for making me happy these past months. I really do appreciate it. But I'm going to go now, if that's fine with you"

"No it's not fine. Please just give me time and I'll be whatever you want me to be. I just think that my mind was never ready for a relationship and I didn't bother trying to prepare because I didn't expect to start one"

"Well what would you do Daph? If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Your trauma comes from getting with someone as soon as you meet them then getting cheated on and your response ended up having to mentally prepare yourself by holding off the relationship and staying quiet about your feelings. My trauma comes from having a relationship held off for a long time and the response ended up having me need reassurance that you feel the same way about me all the time or I'm gonna break"

I wanted him to be wrong so badly. But nothing he said was inaccurate to the things we've opened up about each other.

I fell silent, unable to think of what to say next. There was no doubt he was wrong about what he said. Denying it would only hurt me more because I'll be in denial.

The way his words physically hurt me as well. My chest felt like it had been tightened and my heart was slowly shattering.

"Good bye Daphne"

"No, no, no, no- Nick, please-" I begged for him to stay but all I heard was the notification of the call ending.

-

Nick 🐼

nick we can solve this
message not delivered ❗️