Harmony (H.S.)

Chapter 8 | Thinking About You

18 January 2020

*Harmony James*

Last night for me is very difficult to define, I can't describe my feelings about what happened, and it scares me.

When Mitch and Sarah walked up to us last night and saw what was happening, it was as if the invisible bubble created for that moment suddenly burst. I think they didn't quite understand the tension that was there because Mitch just picked up another guitar and that intimate moment turned into a sharing of music, where we all sang and played. A few hours later, when I felt that the alcohol had calmed me down, I said goodbye to everyone and came home, and I was so exhausted from thinking that when I lay down, I fell asleep right away and only woke up 30 minutes ago.

The truth is that I think I feel lonely, I don't really have many friends. I have Rachel, who is the biggest constant in my life and it's like she's my sister, and she brought Zach into my life, and I can tell he's a friend for life. Sarah recently showed up and I think I can call her a friend too, but I never know if people like me, I mean what is so special about me that people like me?

I think I'm ungrateful, because I have a happy life, but then there are days like these when I feel like a tiny speck in a universe full of things.

Harry texted me yesterday after I left the house, but I still haven't had the courage to open it. I was so emotional, and he must now think I'm unstable!

My thoughts are interrupted by someone opening my bedroom door. "Hi Mimi, is everything ok? Rach asked me to ask if you wanted to come for a walk with us.", Zach asked me.

"Hmm, please tell her no, I'm a little tired. But thanks for asking," I say without looking away from the window.

"Mimi, are you okay? What's up?", he asks, and I ignore it, feeling the tears in my eyes. He sits down next to me and continues to try to figure out what's going on. When he manages to catch a glimpse of my face, he hugs me and we stay that way for I don't know how long until Rachel walks into my room, too.

"What are you guys doing and why ...", she interrupts her irritated speech and I suppose it's because she noticed our state.

"Harmony, what's happening?", she asks anxiously.

"Baby, what do you think about spending the afternoon eating junk food and watching Grey's Anatomy?", Zach asked his girlfriend and when I was about to protest, she says: "I think it's a great idea, why do you guys don't arrange Harmony's bed and I go to the kitchen to get the food?".

Zach nods and pulls me to the center of the bed and asks me to put the series on the computer while he goes to change into something more comfortable. I do what he says because I don't have the strength to provoke them when they are being like this.

When Rach enters the room again, she places the chocolates, popcorn, chips, and sodas on the table next to the bed and hurries to lie down beside me, giving me a hug and whispering in my ear "I don't know what what's going on but I'm here for you. And I'm sure everything will be okay.". It makes my heart a lot calmer and soothes the thoughts in my head.

The rest of the afternoon is spent exactly the way Zach planned it, and when they leave my room to go to sleep, not before making sure I was okay, I feel almost normal. I get up to shower and wash my self-pity and put on clothes that smell clean.

When I go back to bed and grab my cell phone, I see that the message is still there, waiting to be opened, and I decide there's no point in continuing like that.

Harry: Hi! Just checking on you.
Yesterday I feel like I crossed the line and we didn't have much opportunity to talk about it.
I'm very sorry if I hurt you.
H xx