Bellatrix

Chapter 9

What you must think of me.

You have seen only a fraction of my story. What thoughts must be running through your head: "She's no Marauder" "She doesn't deserve them" "That evil twisted bitch".

I may deserve all those names. But you must believe me, I never wanted them.

Many names have been given to me that I don't want.

Death Eater.

Bellatrix Lestrange.

But I never wished for any of them. I hated all of them. I hate all of them. I will never be anything other than them, yet I wish I was anything but.

Oh, you must hate me. You must wish I were dead. There is an approximate forty-three percent chance that I killed someone in your family. After all, I killed so many.

But please, continue reading before you tear me apart. I was a terrible person. I am a terrible person. But I need someone to understand why.

History of Magic. The most boring class ever.

But not that day.

Prongs was staring at evans, as per usual. I, disgusted by it, turned to Padfoot.

"Padfoot, why is Prongs so obsessed with Evans? She hates him!"

"Oh, Bonewing, don't ask me. I'm quite as clueless as you are. Although, you and Rodolphus seem to hit it off, so I'm not sure you should be giving love advice."

"Oh, shut up, Padfoot." I hit him in the arm, and he laughed, causing Professor Binns to look up.

"If there is something you wish to tell us, Miss Black, please go ahead."

"My cousin is an idiot." I told the class.

"Well, my cousin is an even BIGGER idiot!" Sirius tried for a comeback.

"Nice try, Padfoot." I laughed. "Who's the one who thought that Edmund the Evil was called Ernie the Evil?"

"Hey! It was an honest mistake!"

"At least you're being honest." I sniggered, and Sirius seemed like he was about to retaliate, when Binns reminded us where we were.

"Miss and Mister Black! If you wish to keep talking, you can do it in detention tonight! You'll be sorting my books!" he glowered at us.

I sighed. Of course. This detention was going to be awful. James looked at me and smirked. I looked away. At least he managed to tear his eyes off of Evans.

))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((

After what proved to be the most boring detention ever, I walked to the owlery. Sure enough, an owl sat there, hooting, a letter tied to it's foot addressed to Bellatrix.

I hadn't come home for christmas, and now I was going to get it. I wondered why they hadn't sent it during christmas break. I opened the letter.

 Bellatrix-

 How dare you dishonor us in this way? We expected you, the entire family expected you, you were to receive a great honor and you did not come home! We will give you another chance: come home for easter holidays, or you will very much regret it. You do not want to be on our bad side. We are willing to think the letter was misdirected and you never got it. Come home for Easter Holidays, or you will be in big trouble. You can't hide from us, Bellatrix.

-Mother and Father

I frowned and stormed to the Griffindor common room. When I entered, Prongs was talking to Evans. I heard some of their conversation.

"Potter, I'm not going to go out with you! That's final! You're a total bully!"

"Come on, Evans, I'm only mean to Snivellus, and he only gets what's coming to him-"

"That's exactly it, Potter! You think you're soooo much better than him, when in reality, you're just an annoying prick!" she rolled her eyes and stomped up to the girl's dormitory.

I walked up uncertainly to Prongs. "Prongs-"

"Not now, Bella." James said. I gripped the letter in my hand.

"Please, James-"

"I said not now!" He shouted. Everyone in the common room stared at us, and he, not looking at me, imitated Evans and stomped up to his dormitory.

I stood there for a moment, shocked and hurt, my eyes welling up with tears, and then ran out of the portrait hole.

0000000000000000

I cried into my pillow, thankful that the girls who shared my dormitory weren't here yet. I couldn't believe that Prongs had just shut me out like that, shouted and dismissed me when I needed him most. My tears were silent.

A knock sounded on my door. "Bonewing?" asked Remus's voice cautiously. I let him in, only so that my fellow Slytherins didn't hear.

"How'd you get in here? What do you want?" I asked angrily.

Remus shook his head. "Listen, I'm really sorry about Prongs. He wasn't thinking, he feels really bad..."

"Does he really? I don't think he does, Moony, because if he did, he would have come here and apologized himself. You know, he's probably still upset about freaking Evans." I said harshly.

"Yeah, he probably is. But Bonewing..." Moony raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you ever had a crush?"

I thought for a moment, then shook my head. "Stop making excuses for him, Moony. Yeah, I have, but I would never let it get in the way of my friendship. Anyways, you don't understand, this is important..." I whispered.

"Yeah?" He asked, pained. "Try me."

I wordlessly gave him the crumpled letter. He read over it and then looked at me with sad eyes.

"They want me to become a death eater." I growled. "I can't... I don't want to, but they have... ways to make me. I don't want that, Moony."

He nodded. "I never told you guys." he took a deep breath. "I don't want to... make stuff worse for you, but you have to know. I think it... I don't know. The person I saw die... I saw him die, because I killed him. I was in wolf form, it was one of my first transformations, and I... killed... my best friend. I woke up just too late to call for help and save his life. I should've locked myself up, I should have... I don't even know. I should have done something. What I'm trying to say is... sometimes, we can't prevent stuff like this. We just have to hope that we can make it through." He looked at his feet. "I... I can go, now." He shuffled out of the room.

"Moony, wait!" I called. He turned back around. "It's okay, Moony." I whispered. "Nobody blames you." I hugged him, and he hugged me back, and we stood there for a minute, and then he grabbed Prongs' invisibility cloak and walked out of the dormitory.

I fell back on the bed, lost in thought.

 A/N

 Okay, sorry this is really bad. I feel like I say this every chapter... whoops.

 Thanks so much for reading, ilysm, please vote, comment, follow, whatever! Or don't if you don't want to.

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