Bellatrix

Chapter 23

The years I spent in Azkaban without Sirius were the two longest of my life. I would black out for long lengths of time - having no idea what had happened, or how long I was going to be conscious before I would lose myself again. Dementors passed so many times a day I lost count.

One day, after a large group of dementors passed by, I succumbed to darkness, and when I awoke, I was no longer in Azkaban.

I was sitting at a long table. Some of the faces gathered around me I recognized - Lucius Malfoy. My husband, Rodolphus. Yaxley, Dolohov... all death eaters.

My sister, Narcissa. 

They all stared, a glint of something horrible in their eyes, towards the end of the table nearest to me. Following their gaze, I nearly flinched as I met the cold, red, serpentine eyes of none other than Voldemort himself. 

His face was long, and pale, and gaunt. His nose was nothing - two slits of darkness. He smiled a little, but it the smile of a little boy frying ants with a magnifying glass.

I wanted to run. How did I get here?

"And what do you think, Bellatrix?" He asked.

I couldn't give myself away - hazily, I knew that. "I agree with you, my Lord," I said, trying my best to sound as though I worshipped him, as though he was my sun and moon.

It was too much. Blackness came again.

I was standing in a vast room, wand in my hand, shooting curses. A strange veil stood at one end of the room, whispers drifting from it. Squinting, I made out my dueling partner.

It was Sirius himself. 

"Padfoot!" I managed thickly, shouting through the sound of multiple duels.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.

I sent a jet of red light at him - careful not to send any killing curses; he couldn't die as well as James.

It hit him squarely on the chest.

The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.

It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall: his body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backwards through the ragged veil hanging from the arch. 

I screamed. My insides were piling up into my throat, tears held back stung my eyes. Me. I had killed him. Me. I killed Padfoot. 

The world dissolved into blackness.

When I awoke next, I knew I had not much time.

I transfigured my face. I did away with my frown lines, I made my eyes a bit wider, the curve of my smile a bit kinder. I hadn't seen Andromeda in years, but I could still picture her face in my mind like it was yesterday. I only hoped she was still alive - I hadn't worked up the courage to go find her yet.

I tossed a veil over my head and went to Remus's old apartment - when James and Lily were still alive, when Sirius...

I choked.

As soon as I knocked on the door, it was creaked open slightly by a middle-aged man. His face, gaunt, tired, only half-shaved, wrinkled. His hair, thinning. His clothes, the shabbiest I had ever seen them. Scars littered his body like freckles - but there were smile lines by his eyes, and he opened the door further. 

"Andromeda. Come in," he said, and smiled a little. I walked in, and put one hand carefully on my wand in my pocket, focusing, willing myself to not go black.