Eutopia (Lloyd Hansen AU)

26

He'd held her hand all the way through.

Through the screams.

Through the pain.

Lloyd had been by her side, refusing to leave even though she thought that he would have. Now here she was, just two days later with her tiny daughter in her arms after a very worrying start. The baby had been premature, but her weight had been enough to help her thrive for the first twenty-four hours of life. 

Lloyd had paced back and forth in the recovery room, muttering to himself and asking what was taking so long. Autumn had been in and out of sleep with the aid of some pills Emerson had given her to help her rest up. It was apparent she'd need to stay at the medical centre until the doctors were satisfied with the baby's progress. Other than her tiny weight, she'd at first had breathing difficulties, but still made progress, being able to come out of her incubator after being monitored. 

Autumn now had their baby placed back with her, checks being done like clockwork, just like the project was. She hadn't time to think about Eva, but now as she fed her daughter, the scene was replaying over and over in her mind. 

Since when had she become so nervous? Back in the CIA, a situation like that would have been handled differently. Had Eutopia changed her that much? Knocked her down so as she was as submissive as the rest? 

No mention of it would be made to Lloyd, she wouldn't put herself at risk, she had to simply abide by the decisions made. And that decision had been to simply follow her husband's wish for the sake of her own life. 

"She was always going to be collateral damage Auty" Lloyd had said, "There was no other way, her friendship was just to try and put you at risk of the same fate - but I know you, sunshine. You're too clever for that". 

He had made a complete switch when taking hold of their daughter for the first time. Autumn had never seen him be so gentle and loving to another aside from her. "My princess..." He'd whispered to the baby, who was even smaller nestled in his strong arms. "My beautiful Margot". 

They had chosen the name together, having been unable to decide before her birth. Of course the name had to be one in keeping with Lloyd's rich tastes, and Margot was one that they found themselves agreeing on. 

It suited her perfectly. Even Autumn could agree that her daughter looked like her name. 

The door opened and Lloyd walked in, two of his team now standing outside to guard the door like they had done since the baby had arrived. He was taking no chances, especially with Denny soon to be paying a visit. 

"Where's my little ray of sunshine?" He said, now kissing his wife and taking a look at his daughter. "Look at you, gonna be breaking all the men's hearts when you're older". 

Autumn finished feeding her and then passed her to Lloyd. "Emerson said that she could be allowed home by the end of the week, she's feeding well now that she knows how". 

"Atta girl" He grinned and stroked Margot's head. "Strong, just like your mother". Looking over at Autumn he came and sat beside her. "How you feeling sweetheart?" 

"Tired, but she was worth it..." 

She was building a bond with her daughter, knowing that she was all she really had. 

Did she have Lloyd? 

It was hard to tell when he seemed like he was on her side one moment and then against her the next.  Perhaps Margot would be able to bring them together and fill the cracks that had been present from the beginning. When Lloyd was in this kind of mood, he could be someone who she questioned as to whether she could actually fall in love with. 

He had told her that he loved her. But Eva had said about those kind of words being just lies. About the fact their husbands were not in love with them. Just the idea of them. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"What is it snickerdoodle?" He asked, sitting back in the chair and pulling the blanket around Margot a little more. 

"I want to know if you actually love me...not just the idea of me or that I've given you a child..." 

He made a small huff and she could tell that he knew Eva's words were still ringing in her head. "Autumn...have I ever lied to you?" 

She thought for a moment. "No?" He had always told her how it was, right down to the threats. 

"When I tell you I love you? I mean it, others might not but I don't fuck about when it comes to making my feelings known, and you of all people know that by now". He paused. "I can't show affection in front of others, I'm not that kinda guy, it's not who I am or who I was raised to be. There was never anything like that when I was a kid nor even when I was older. I've had to work hard to get where I am, to have all this". He gestured around them, "and to have you..." Now he looked at her. "Autumn, you're the first woman I've felt something for in a long time that is real. I could have one nighters, any pick of the bunch, and in the past I have, but none of them have ever made me feel the way that you do". 

She watched him take her hand and kiss her knuckles. "Please...I want us to make this work more. We have Margot. I want to know you for you, not just the man who I had to marry as part of a project". There was no other choice if she was to survive here in 'married bliss'. 

Lloyd looked as though he was having an inner battle with himself as he stared down at Margot but nodded. 

"You think we don't work..." He stated. 

"I think we could work better if you were more open with me, let me in a little more, I know that's not the rules that I should ask about you work and whatnot, but you need someone you can trust, because I don't believe that after what Denny tried? That you trust him anymore". 

Lloyd stared at her seriously. "Well then you'd be the first person to notice that Auty...maybe you know me better than you already think".