Kit Connor Imagines

One day

Hii, I wanted to try writing something more angsty this time and this happened (the next chapter will be fluff, I promise),this is vaguely based off of the song "Anti-Hero" by Taylor Swift, which I hope some of you know! (:

Y/n's POV:

This was what normality felt like.

I can barely feel my body as I enter the bathroom, immediately sitting down on the floor. It was already late into the night, however I did not get the chance to sleep whatsoever.

Heartstopper was nominated for an award, meaning that we had to attend. I stayed up later than Kit had, reading newly written articles and posts about this award-show.

What irritated me, was what people said about me and my relationship to Kit in these posts. It seems that none of these people think Kit and I are truly together, or that our relationship would last. And even more irritating was the title of "Kit Connor's partner", as if I wasn't a person with an own life, just as well known as he was.

There were hundreds of comments discussing wether I deserve him or not and sadly, most of them were just filled with insults against me. When you decide to become an actress, you are aware of what will happen to your privacy and you are aware of the hate you will get, no matter how unproblematic you truly are.

This being said, I always felt like I couldn't complain about all the things I heard being said about me daily, and how terrible those things truly were.

The first thing that happens, every time I read these hate comments, is that I become unaware of my surroundings. The wall behind me, the sink in front of me or the floor underneath my legs and hands isn't there anymore.

It's just me and my thoughts.

The world blurs out more and more as I am lost in my thoughts, the tears leaving my eyes faster each passing second and hitting the floor.

My head was not only filled with questions about how strangers perceived me, the thoughts that echoed in my head for what seems like eternity, were thoughts of Kit and what he might think of me in secret.

Surely he'd leave me soon, especially after he realised how much of a mess I truly was. The doorknob was slowly pushed down and upon seeing this, I stand up as fast as possible, trying to lock the door before Kit could enter.

I successfully managed to hold the door close, keeping Kit from entering the bathroom. "Sorry, I'm coming out in a minute. I just need to finish something here." My voice quivers in the slightest bit and I hope Kit hasn't noticed it.

"Okay, I'll just go back to bed then." I can feel the tension in every part of my body leaving just as quickly as it came. I stand up, trying to look as if I hadn't just cried.

After I calmed down, I slowly open the bathroom door, trying to make as little sound as possible. I successfully manage to get into bed without waking up Kit, falling asleep soon after.

Kit's POV:

Silently, I felt Y/n get into bed next to me, pulling the covers over the both of us. I won't pretend I didn't hear the crying in the bathroom, but this would be a subject for tomorrow because another thing I noticed was how their breathing pattern was calmer now, they were finally asleep. Soon after my realisation, my eyes close too and I fall asleep.

*the next morning*

Y/n's POV:

I open my eyes just to close them again. The sun is already shining and it was just in the right place to hit my face, blinding my eyes. Kit isn't by my side, making me wonder wether he was called into work today.

I make my way to the bathroom, brushing my hair and teeth, washing my face and leaving again, just like everyday. My phone isn't by the bed, where I usually put it, so I make my way down the hallway to the living room, in search of the device.

Just like I assumed, it was in the living room, however what I didn't assume was Kit sitting on the couch, pillow in his lap with the phone right in front of him.

"Hi, what're you doing with my phone?" The question leaves my mouth, as I go to take my phone and leave him alone again. This is stopped though, because of Kit's hand grabbing my wrist, making me sit opposite to him.

"I didn't go through your phone, but I heard you crying yesterday and I saw the notifications. Why didn't you tell me anything?" Suddenly, there is a lump in my throat, I can't speak even if I had the words to.

The silence is suffocating, almost unbearable. That was what hurt me the most. Silence on its own was something Kit and I really got to experience, but when we did, it was the silence between people who truly know and understand each other, not this silence of judgement and betrayal.

"I-" It's the only thing that leaves my mouth as a think of all the things I could say right now. "I guess it's normal. I mean, celebrities get hate, and I just have to deal with it and-" I stop myself before I can continue talking. "And, I guess I think they are right."

Kit lets go of my hand. That's all I notice before I'm seated on the couch, opposite of him. He pulls me into a hug and I can feel something inside of me, a feeling of judgement, reserved for myself and the stupidity of the comment. "What? Why would they be right?"

"I guess I'm scared that one day I'll watch as you leave me and my life will lose all its meaning." It's warm, the hug he gives me after I finish speaking, warm and soft and everything that I needed in that moment.

"I'll never leave you, if you don't ask me to, and even if I would, your worth is not defined by me or anyone else you know. You're amazing and kind and anything any person could ask for, so please don't downplay your own worth."

Everything slows down and I can feel something inside of me snap, the tears escaping my ears and falling onto Kit's sweatshirt.

"I love you." "I love you too."

I felt save for the first time in weeks.
I felt a sense of security.
But most importantly, I felt at home.

This was what normality felt like.