NO LUCK WITH LOVE

Regret

I decided that I was going to tell him my feelings soon, he had to know about it. He also told me about how he would get more comfortable with the person if they told him how he feels.

I was planning on how to confess to him through chat, I had so many plans. I decided that if he asked who my crush was, I would finally tell the truth. But my plan didn't really work. Here's how my confession went.

| 𝙅𝙖𝙚: 𝙄'𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚?

* I took a deep breath.
| 𝙈𝙚: 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚.
| 𝙅𝙖𝙚: 𝙒𝘼𝙄𝙏 𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏? 𝙃𝙊𝙇𝙔-

I was so scared about sending that message, but I had to.

| 𝙈𝙚: 𝙊𝙝? 𝙄 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙬.
| 𝙅𝙖𝙚: 𝙉𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙮, 𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙚. 𝙄 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙅𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙤?

I thought he knew, that's why I confessed! I felt so stupid, but we can't go back in time, I've already confessed. He didn't say anything about rejecting me, we just kept talking like nothing happened.

We texted each other more than often, we started updating each other about what we were doing everyday too. I started to get more comfortable with him, I was so happy, but I felt like something bad was going to happen.

He told me he had a crush on someone, but hearing that didn't make me sad or anything, I was just curious. He gave me clues and all those clues applied to me, I thought he liked me but I didn't wanna assume anything. Me and my friends wasted our day trying to ask him who his crush was, but he wouldn't even say a word.

I didn't believe he had a crush on someone. My friends kept on telling me that he liked me, but I couldn't believe that. I'd never believe that someone would like someone like me, that's something impossible.

Since I didn't believe he had a crush, I started sending him pick up line memes, as a joke ofcourse. I send these things to my friends everytime and to people I feel comfortable with. He just laughed about the things I said and nothing was weird about it to him.

Until one day, I sent him another pick up line meme as a joke, he just laughed so I didn't find anything unusual about it. A few hours later, I received a paragraph message from him which broke my heart.

"𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝙄'𝙢 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥."

That message ruined my night. Those words kept repeating in my head

𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚
𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚
𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚
𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚
𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚
𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚

Oh. Ok. I understand.

I wrote a paragraph to him about how I apologize for my behavior. I sent him those things because I thought we were close, I was comfortable with him, but it looks like he wasn't. I don't blame myself, it's his fault too, he said he doesn't reject people. He lied and I hated him. I immediately loss feelings for him, after that day I never texted him ever again. He broke my heart and lied.

A few days later, I started developing feelings for Jairo again, my old crush, I guess I just went back to him. I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend, it was shocking news. I just heard it yesterday, I'm not sure if it's true but I do feel bad.

I decided, I'm not gonna get close with my crush ever again and I'll start admiring them from afar. Closer doesn't mean better.

I've liked so many people these years, none of them had a good ending.

But I still wish that one day I'll be able to love someone who loves me back, someone who's perfect for me.