First and Ten

Chapter 29

                                                                        Blair

I silently left our bedroom after Jax fell asleep because I couldn't sleep. I was angry at myself for the anxiety that rushed in when Jax mentioned the frequent travel for what could potentially be his new job. I had been doing well in terms of dealing with my struggle and felt like that one conversation had sent me two steps backwards. What Jax didn't know was that when I was out of town with my parents and the kids, my ex-husband brought the woman he was having an affair with to our home and slept with her in our bed letting her stay overnight to add even more insult.

I guess Bri's best friend senses alerted her to the fact that I was awake because she came into the kitchen half an hour later. "You too?"

"Time difference is throwing me off I guess. Why can't you?"

"Struggles."

"What happened?"

"Jax and I were talking about those hosting opportunities, and he told me that the best one would require him to travel a few days a week to New York. Of course, my brain immediately went to when my ex had his mistress over to spend the night. That combined with knowing how many beautiful women and supermodels are all over that city sent me into a spin."

"You never worried about him being gone for away games."

"That is because I know what away games are like. It is all about football. I hate myself right now for the slip back into this ridiculousness. I know he loves me, but I can't ever to seem to shake the fact that he is also one of the hottest men in the world who is particularly attractive to some of the most beautiful women in the world."

"But he chose you, B. He didn't choose any of them. He didn't propose to any of them."

"I know I'm being stupid. I've been doing so much better, Bri."

"You have. Did you talk to him about it?"

"Not really. I don't want to. I can't let my insecurity drive him away because that has been a big fear. He is incredibly confident in himself and every aspect of his life, and I want to be that sure too so that I can truly be a partner and not a burden."

"You are a partner to him. Look at the life you two are building together. I've known Jax for several years, and he has never even talked about buying houses with a woman let alone proposing to one. You are the first one he has had any desire to have a real future with. I want you to come with me to see a friend of mine whose husband used to be a Wildcat until he got traded. He was just like Jax in that he was super hot and confident dating all manner of celebrities and influencers until he met Olivia. He rear ended her on I-40 while still in Nashville, and he fell head over heels at first sight. She was a nurse at the children's hospital and had never been famous in any way, shape, or form. She struggled like you with wondering when he was going to trade in a real girl for a famous one, but they are married, have two kids, and couldn't be happier."

"How did she get over it?"

"I'll let her tell you. I heard from her after we went to bed and planned on meeting her for coffee at this well-known place that I wanted to check out while I was here. I was going to tell you in the morning. JB already said he and Jax would make breakfast for the kids."

Bri and I stayed up the rest of the night talking and laughing like old times even though we knew that we would pay for the lack of rest later, but I wouldn't trade nights like that with my best friend for anything though.

As the sun started to rise, we both crept back in our rooms to get dressed. Jax was still sound asleep, so I decided not to wake him because I knew JB would tell him where we were. I also knew he probably would be upset when he figured out that I hadn't slept nor talked to him about what was bothering me.