Sometimes it snows in April

good morning new personality

Theo pov

I haven't slept very well tonight. There are too many question spooking through my head and heart. I feel demotivated, everything seems wrong. I wanna turn off the world for a moment. Just for a minute or an hour. Just a bit of not knowing. I sigh, I can't lose my mind, not yet. But I'm so sick of it all, I want to give all of this up I'm hanging on the edge and everything seeems to be too much. I can't do this. I look up, hoping something above might help me but everything that happened to me seems to suggest there is no one. I don't know what to do. I wanna stay inside all day, I want the world to go away. I can't fathom what my life is supposed to be. I light a cigarette, all those years wasted, my youth wasted, I don't know what's real, all those pretty lies hiding the ugly truth. I dont know what to do, I only want to drink untill I ache. I don't get this. Ain't youth and life meant to be beautiful. Adolescene doesn't make any sense, it's just the loss of our innocence. I look at the mirror, I look like a young version of my dad. I wish he hadn't been such a fucking asshole. I wish he'd care about me. I look up photos from princess emma I'm shocked by the similarity between my nose and eyes and hers. I can't believe this. I feel completely paralyzed by fear. I have an appointement with the queen today. Where she will answer questions and tell me what to avoid as a royal.

I decide not to go with a train but simply ask my chaffeur to drive me to London. I arrive at the palace. I'm wearing sunglasses and try to be as low profile as possible.

I'm sitting in front of the queen. I take a sip from my tea and sigh. "So, my first question is, I'm technically illegitemate so I'm not a real royal right?" She smiles and hands me a paper. I look at it. My face drops. It's a marriage license from my father and princess Emma. "Your parents weren't married anymore at that time. They split, your father married Emma secretly so they wouldn't cause a scandal. After your birth your parents decided to silently get married again to raise you. Emma is your mom, even on your birth record." "So that means I'm a real royal?" I ask hoping the answer is no. "Exactely Clement. Okay rules, Theo, there are many rules." "I'm aware of that" I say, my head is still spinning. "First of all, You cannot call me grandma, you can call me granny though. As soon as all of this is sorted, I'm planning to make you a working royal. You need to learn the windsor wave, I'm positive you had etiquette lessons from a young age" I nod "Good, you need to be fluent in at least one other language." "I'm fluent in six" "Impressive, you will not be allowed to eat shellfish, black is reserved for mourning." I look at my black suit. "I'm mourning is this okay now?" "of course it is. you must have served in the army, which I think you did." "Yes, Ma'am I'm to have served the marines." "Good, you will not be allowed to go by a nickname publically so you are Clement or theodore from now on. I'd prefer Clement. That's all for today Clement. When will we be revealing your identity, we have checked your DNA?" I sigh. "And?" she nods, I can only sigh "I don't really care. your highness, seriously we should be getting this over with."

I'm sitting in a chair staring at the painting from my family. The brandy burns my throat and numbs my face. I don't wanna admit I will never fit inside a royal family. Never ever, I can't process all of this in this time. When you love somebody they always seem to leave too soon. I'm sure my father just did all of this to be remembered. I remeber what I wanted when I was younger, I wanted to mean something to sombody else but now I just want to be alone and lonely. I go outside to smoke when I'm overwhelmed by reporters. My heart starts to beat faster. I immediately go back inside. I ask bartholomew how long they've been here. "Not that long ym lord." I decide I need to do something I haven't done in a long time.

I step outside, I'm wearing black but that's because I'm still mourning. The reporters surround me and I feel my throat closing, my eyes watering and my lips trembling. I remember princess emma having a panic attack because of reporters and decide I will not be like her. I straighten my back take a dep breath and begin to talk. "Okay I'd appreciate some manners from all of you. So I'll give you time to ask questions as long as I'm walking to the place I need to be. One question at the time and no speaking over eachother understood?" There's a murmur and I start walking. "Did you know you were a prince." "No" "Is your father your real father?" "No comment." "Are you the next in line?" "not sure" "Are you excited to be a royal." "I hope I'll be able to help people like I did with the things I learned from my father." "Is it true your parents were abusive?" I feel myself hestitate. "No, they were great parents." "Was your brother a royal too." "Not to my knowledge." "Are the rumours true that your parents were murdered?" "I don't know where you got that ma'am but both of my parents deaths were a tragedy but both were completely natural." We arrive at the church. "Is it true you are homosexual?" I don't asnwer. "Is it true you have been depressed in your life." "Yes, but nobody should be ashamed of that fact. Ladies gentleman and everything else, I'm where I am supposed to be so I'd appreciate you leaving me alone for a bit."