Sometimes it snows in April

Snow

Four years later

I smile as I carry our Henry to bed. I put him to bed. "daddy, why do you have scars on your wrists?" I smile. "Because daddy was a warrior once" April says as he enters the room. Henry is five years old now. We adopted him and his brother not long after the wedding. His brother is nine years older. We got another Irish wolfhound, so our family is quite big if I had to say so. We walk out of Henry's room. April smiles. "So I think we're alone now." He whispers. I kiss him. "you two are disgusting." Armand says. April responds with giving me another kiss and saying to him. "Of course we are" to him. "I hate you two!" He exclaims. "Don't all teens hate their parents?" I say to him. "Even some adults have it. Look at your father Armand." Bartholomew says. I laugh. Bartholomew still takes the best care of us. I feel so alive. I decided to be treated for cancer and it worked. Although there is a chance it might return. The treatment was hell, I've never felt worse in my life. But now I have time to see my children grow up, so it was worth it. I have time to spend with my one an only. I whisper, "je t'aime de tout mon âme." He smiles. "As do I"

The next morning I'm shaving when I look in the mirror. I look too thin to be healthy. I have had some problems with seizures the last few weeks. I don't know why. I feel the fear strike my heart as I begin to cough. The cough is dangerously familiar. I feel tears in my eyes as I see the blood coming from my mouth. No, it can't be. It's not possible. I don't know what to do. 

I walk towards April. "April" "why so serious?" He asks jokingly while turning around. He sees the tears in my eyes. I see him slowly realise something is not right. "I think it might be back." April shakes his head. "No, it can't be.... please tell me you're not serious." His eyes are in a state of horror. 

That evening I'm waiting for the results of the scan. Of course because I'm a prince I have priority. April is not with me although he really wanted to be there for me we didn't want to worry Armand and Henry. I feel my heart beating I'm my throat. And my head aches a lot. I cannot control the way I'm feeling. I feel paralyzed by fear. I don't want to be called in for the results. I want all of this to be over, I want this to be fake. I want this to be a nightmare and that I wake up in April's loving arms but it's not a nightmare and my name has been called. I walk into the office. 

When I come home the first thing I do is record three videos. Just in case I don't make it. I lay down in the bed next to April. "And?" I don't answer. I think it's self explanatory if I don't want to talk about it. 

It's April. I look outside. It's snowing there's a snowstorm coming which is quite strange for this time of year but global warming am I right? I feel hopeless. I feel numb. I feel like I can't do this again. 

April is reading a book with Armand. I kiss Armand and Henry on their head and kiss my April. I hand April a lighter I got from my father. "I have some business to attend to." I swallow. "I love you all." April smiles. They all say they love me too. I feel tears in my eyes. I walk into my office and put down my signet ring next to the recordings on cassette. 

I walk into the freezing cold. I'm only wearing a thin blouse, thin trousers and shoes. The cold cuts through them as a hot knife through butter. I feel hesitant the more I walk. I know where I'm going. I know how this will end. I won't regret it. I will regret it. But I can't do this anymore. I really can't. I arriva at the cherry tree pretty far away from the mansion. It's blooming, the wind froze it's beautiful pink flowers. I hold the lily I took with me a bit tighter. The snow hits my face and makes it even more numb. My head still hurts. I sit down in the snow. 

April pov

I can't find Theo. I call security and in no time we're looking all over for him. But we aren't allowed to look for him because the storm is getting too heavy. I was worried sick. The next morning the search will continue. 

There he is under the cherry tree he so adored. Ice crystals on his face, white lashes from the snow. I touch his cheek. But as soon as they notice they take me away I'm not allowed to touch him yet. He is holding a lily of the valley. It means sorry in the language of flowers. Next to him there growing forget-me-nots. I have never cried so much. I wail. My heart is torn apart. I cannot breathe. As he was put into the ambulance they tell me he is not fully dead. I took his hand. He opens his eyes a bit and I could've sworn he says.... "Mon âme" he smiles and I can't do anything but smile