Sometimes it snows in April

Paintings and pain

The painting I never wanted to see again is hanging right in front of me. The scars on my back that I kniw so well are revealed to everyone who'd want to see it. It angers me, it makes me furious but out of all of the feelings there's one that I don't understand. I'm hurt, like this a surprise. I knew he wasn't a good guy. Why am I even surprised I shouldn't be I'm so fucking mad. My face must be as white as a sheet. I'm extremely grateful I'm almost done. When I'm in the car I'm extremely silent. That damn painting. Why didn't I see he was an asshole earlier? I can't take this shit anymore. Why did Lachlan need to paint my back? Why did he need to use my paintings?

I'm happy when we arrive at the manor. I can't stand being in a closed space anymore. I get out of the car and immediately light a cigarette I walk into the manor. I'm so frustrated and angry and so incredibly sad at the same time all these feelings don't fit inside my chest they just burn and burn till there's nothing left of me. I get myself a drink and slam the door of the cupboard shut. I'm so frustrated the cigarette between my lips falls into the drink and I curse under my breath. I let my head rest on my hands, tears in my eyes. When April grabs and hugs be from behind. I sigh and grab his hand. "Hi, my darling." "Hello my love." "How are you?" He asks. He kisses my neck and I grab his neck. "I'm terrible to be honest" April sits down on top of the counter. I stare at the wall. He stares at me. My eyes are watering and by lips are trembling as I take a sip. "What happened?" I prepare myself to tell it. "Lachlan....he used my paintings in his exhibition." "What? Really like the paintings you made?" "Yep" I nod and pour another glass. "What an asshole" "you know what's worse? He made a painting reveal my worst insecurity and now it's hanging right in a museum." I laugh sarcasticly "how did I have faith in him?" I ask myself. "I don't have a clue" April says while grabbing the bottle before I can pour another glass and he grabs my cigarette. He puts it out. "Okay, Theo I'm gonna give you one rule. Do not smoke so much when you are frustrated. You are killing yourself slowly." "That's the whole point!" I slam my hands on the counter I walk out the door. The freezing wind seem to freeze the tears in my eyes. I want to light a cigarette but hesitate when I hear my ringtone. "This is Prince Clement" "hello, so I'm calling about the results from the tests. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news mister." After she said everything I put down my phone and I have to lean against the wall from the manor so I don't fall. I begin to hyperventilate. My eyes water, my lungs hurt and my heart burns.

April pov

I shouldn't have said it. I'm sitting in the chair and in front of me is a packet of cigarettes. I look at them. I want to grab one I really want to. But I don't. I can't. I promised my mom. When I want to grab one I hear Theo coming inside. He appears in the doorway. His face is white as a sheet, his eyes watery. "Are you okay?" He whispers: "they just called" my face drops. I can see what they said. His whole face speaks the misery of a dead man. I run to him. I hug him as tightly as I can, tears are streaming down my face. "You'll be fine" I whisper "you were right" he says "what?" "I slowly killed myself didn't I?" "This is not your fault!" He begins to sob. I gently sit down and he sits down on his knees. We sit there a few minutes. I'm consoling him. He's trembling. I'm trying my best to fit his body in my arms. His head is resting on my shoulder. "Maybe it's better." "What do you mean? Why?" "If I die you don't need to deal with this bullshit." "I don't want you to die. I want to marry you, I wanna start a family with you, I wanna be yours, forever" he smiles "seriously? April, what do you see in me? I'm a hopeless traumatized human being, a sick hopeless traumatized human being even. I'm so hollow, so extremely numb and you fill that but I cannot fill something if I don't have it myself." "Shut up you little dumb human" I say laughing "you belong to me, we belong to eachother, sick or not, traumatized or not, smart or not, lonely or not." I say. He looks deep into my eyes. He seems so grateful. He really needs me and I need him I wouldn't know what to do without him. "Call him, call him now, tell him he hurt you, express your emotion" I hand him the phone "you need to let the feelings he gave you go. He's not worth your time. I hand him the phone. 

Lachlan pov

It's evening. I had an okay day. I was weirdly happy to see Theo but I felt guilty when I looked in his face. His face dropped when he saw the painting. I hear my phone, it's Theo I'm very surprised but I pick it up. "Hi lachlan, this is Clement but I think you know it's me" "good to speak to you in private Theo" "hmm, no actually I was calling to say this: I think it's utterly disrespectful to not get permission of a model before you put it in an exhibition. It might even be violation of privacy, and if the press would hear that they would find it very very interesting Lachlan" "wait, are you threatening me?" "Am I? You tell me, Lachlan. I'm just threatening to tell the truth." "You won't" "how do you know? I've never been predictable" I want to day something but he hangs up before I can say anything else. Shit shit shit, why did I do this. My head is turning I grab a bottle .

An hour later I find myself driving towards his manor. This bitch, say it to my fucking face coward. 

Theo pov

I'm staring at the sky and April is reading when I see a figure walking towards the door. "Shit" "what is it?" April asks "I'll handle it, it's Lachlan" I walk up to him. We're standing in front of the manor. I'm very careful, I can see he's drunk. In his hand there's a knife. "Lachlan, let's not make rash decision okay? You're drunk and perhaps even sad or something. Please be careful" "you you made me fall in love with you! You're a villain I'm not, you are a crazy person!" He screams at me "you're delusional" I say under my breath "two months ago or so you still wanted to kill yourself and now you are beautiful and happy and everything wow the prince is sooooo cool. Well fuck you" "I already did" I say chuckling. "See what I mean. You are a drama queen. Your whole life is perfect" I begin to laugh "I have fucking cancer dumbass, I'd love to switch places, lung cancer is one of the cancers where most people don't live longer than five years and five years is extremely long with lung cancer" he stares at me "you're lying" his eyes water he's trembling and his head is red because of the anger. I try to slowly grab the life when he feels my hand and before I know it I feel a warm liquid on my hands. I look down, my stomach is bleeding, the knife in it. I hold the knife in place so the bleeding is minimal. "Lachlan" he slowly walks backwards, surprised by the blood. "Call 112" but he doesn't he grabs the knife pulls it out and runs away. I fall, I feel myself fall down the stairs in front of the manor. I'm thinking that this is the end of me. Maybe it's better than cancer, maybe not. The warm blood feels weird. I hear Aprils voice before I pass out.