Convalescence

XIX.

~ mood for the chapter (iykyk)

Being in a relationship with Niall Horan was really good - and yes, Lili was going to brag as much and as often as possible.

It had been really good since the very start. It was all phenomenal in every aspect - their emotional and physical connection, the affection, the intimacy.

Their relationship gave Lili the kind of happiness that she never thought she'd ever get to experience. For years, she believed this kind of stars in your eyes, head over heels type of relationship was unattainable for someone like her.

She hid herself from any potentials because it was hard for her to believe someone wanted her in this innocent, I-just-want-to-make-you-happy way. In her mind, there was always going to be some kind of motive behind pursuing her. 

And then her beautiful, blue-eyed angel swooped right down from heaven and showed her that everything she'd ever dreamed of was, not just attainable, but what she deserved.

Every little touch, every whispered sweet nothing was perfect. He put Lili on a pedestal, constantly reminding her that she was a beautiful person worthy of a perfect partner. He helped her believe again. 

So overall, yeah, being in a relationship with Niall Horan was fucking amazing.

But being in a relationship with Niall Horan that everybody and their mother knew about was really, really good.

As in, a million times better than Lili had ever expected, which surprised her thoroughly.

For a while she never wanted to admit it, but Lili was really worried that bringing their relationship into the public eye would set them back. When it was just the two of them in their own little bubble, there was really nothing to worry about.

With no one else involved but the two of them, they could act how they wanted and do what they wished without worrying about outside perception. There was nothing and no one that could get in the way of what they had.

Lili would happily live in ignorance with him until the end of time.

But lately, she'd been having this awful recurring dream where the attention had become too much and Niall backed out of the relationship, leaving her hanging onto what could have been.

He'd gone through so much already in the past, and it was almost like her subconscious wanted to drive a stake between them. He couldn't hurt her by leaving if she pulled away first, right?

She knew she'd eventually have to bring these fears up to Niall, but decided on leaving it for the time being.

After all the ridiculous back and forth they'd gone through trying to decide if they should even go public or not, the last thing she wanted was for him to think she had regrets.

Lili also didn't necessarily know how to deal with the fact that Niall was willing to post about her on his social media, making her presence known.

It was such a stupid fucking thing to think about, but it made her feel special.

Because of Daniel, Lili believed that no one would ever be proud to be seen with her. Proud to be with her. She spent years convincing herself that it was normal to be hidden away from everyone.

It took her a long time to admit to Niall that she was scared of them being on each other's social media. She'd been told so many times in the past that she literally wasn't even allowed to post photos, and that took a significant toll on her.