"Girls, I still can not believe that Damon proposed", Denise said with excitement.
I was at Blue Martini with my two best friends Phylesha and Denise. Denise was telling us about her shock when Damon, her boyfriend of 6 years, had got on one knee and proposed to her while they were vacationing in Cuba.
"Me either girl, wow...so I guess this negro finally decided to settle down?", Phylicia said in complete shock.
We all could not believe that Damon decided to take such a serious step since he was a playboy in every sense of the word. Denise had struggled with Damon's infidelity and womanizing ways throughout most of their relationship. She's dealt with random women calling her phone with bullshit, texting her man dirty messages and sending him nudes all hours of the night and there was one time where another woman came to their door claiming to be pregnant with Damon's child, only for the DNA results to reveal that he wasn't biologically related to the child in any way. He constantly disrespects my bestie by lying, cheating and putting his homeboys before her. Throughout all his bullshit, she continues to stick by him in hopes that he'd change his doggish ways and be the man she wants him to be.
Damon was just a dog and will forever remain one. His proposal was probably just a part of his plan to keep her from ever leaving him. Denise would be making the biggest mistake of her life if she walked down the aisle with him.
"Denise, are you sure about this? I mean, you and Damon have so many issues".
I was only being honest, besides, what type of friend would I be if I sat there and allowed her to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life.
"Candace, I've been with this man for 6 years. I love him. I'm going to marry him, I can't picture myself marrying anyone else", she said.
"I know you love him, but come on sis, be smart. Sometimes love isn't enough. This man has cheated on you on multiple occasions and disrespected you in the worse way. Nothing is going to change by marrying him, it'll only get worse. I don't want to see you stressed, I want to see you happy", I told her, being nothing but honest.
Phylicia nodded and joined in, "Candace is right Denise. I agree. As your friends we watched too many times as this man played you over and over again. You'll be an idiot to make this type of mistake. Like seriously girl? Where is your head? I just don't understand why are you still with this fool"
Phylicia was a very blunt type of chick and was never afraid to speak her mind.
"I know you all are concerned about me but I'm good. Me and Damon are going to work through our issues and things will get better...but I'm going to be his wife and that's that. I'm happy so please stop trying to ruin this moment for me with bullshit." She was now pissed off and could barely make eye contact with us.
The last thing I wanted to do was make my friend upset, but I was just concerned about her. I didn't want her to get into this thing with Damon thinking that marriage would change him when deep down she knows it won't. If riding with him for six years wasn't enough to get his loyalty and respect, marriage wasn't going to be either. After all, it was just a piece of paper.
In a strange way, I could understand why Denise couldn't leave Damon alone. Hell, I could even understand why other women couldn't leave Damon alone. He made LOTS of money as a personal trainer and owned his own gym, which was very popular. He was a VERY attractive man. He was over 6'3 and had an athletic built from working out almost daily. He had flawless caramel completed skin with tattoos on almost every part of his muscular body. He bared a strong resemblance to Trey Songz, except he was far more handsome, and I didn't even think it was possible for anyone to look better than Trey. He had a way about him that drew women in and once they were in they were stuck in his trap forever. He had the power to make a woman do shit she wouldn't normally do, and that made him dangerous to be around. I shook my head at the ridiculous spell he had over women.
Love by Kendrick Lamar started playing on Denise's phone, it was a special ringtone she reserved for Damon's calls. She grabbed her iPhone from off the table and stood up.
"It's Damon yall, I'll be back", she said, still visibly upset from the conversation we just had.
I watched her make her exit outside.
"Denise need to snap out of it. I can not believe she is actually about to marry him", Phylicia said in disbelief.
She sighed and went back to enjoying her fruit salad while strolling through her phone, probably on Instagram.
I rubbed my temples and sighed.
"Phylicia, are we ever going to tell her?"
She removed her eyes from her phone and looked up at me, confused as to what I was talking about.
"Tell her what?", she asked, looking at me as if I was crazy. She genuinely had no clue what I was referring to.
I looked down at the table and remained silent for a bit. I didn't like thinking about this or even speaking about it. It was something I kept inside and struggled with for years. I tried everything in my power to escape the thoughts and forget it ever happened, but it done nothing but drove me more and more crazy. I even battled for awhile with depression and distanced myself from both of my friends. I was so disgusted and frustrated with myself and wish I could take back what happened, but I couldn't, and it's something that I would have to live with for the rest of my life.
Al though I was struggling inside and battling some serious demons that resulted from that situation, Phylicia went on with her life as if nothing ever happened. She didn't let it control her life to the same extent as I did nor was she beating herself up about it the way I did for many years.
It took me years to get to a place where I could successfully suppress the memory and put it all the way in the back of my mind, but today bought those memories back and I was face to face with the secret again.
I couldn't allow my friend to marry Damon.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked around the restaurant to make sure Denise was still outside before I spoke.
I was damn near a nervous wreck. My heart started beating fast and my palms got sweaty. I did not like bringing this shit up, especially out in public.
"About what happened", I answered in a whisper, still looking down at the table.
There was complete silence between us for several seconds as Phylicia thought hard on what I was talking about.
"Oh...that", she said, finally catching on to what I was referring to.
"Are we ever going to tell her?", I repeated my question.
"That was 4 years ago Candace, she doesn't need to know, and I thought we agreed to never bring this up again", she said in a hushed tone.
"I know how long it's been Phylicia but this shit's been eating me alive...and besides, what if she marries him? She can NOT marry him after that shit. Not if he's able to do something like that to her and still smile in her face", I told her.
I thought about the toothbrush and immediately wanted to die.
"Well, Candace it is what it is. I don't want to talk about this anynore..she doesn't have to know". She repeated, becoming uncomfortable with the conversation.
She was just as embarrassed about it as I was and the last thing she wanted to do was relive it through conversation.
I was starting to get sick to my stomach.
"Look, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. She's happy so don't open your mouth and ruin that", she pleaded.
"Besides she's crazy over him. It won't change anything between him and her but it may change EVERYTHING between us and her. I don't want to lose her as my friend over some bull shit, I love her too much". She bit her lip as her eyes began to water.
I reached over the table and took her hand, wanting to say something but couldn't get the words out of my throat.
I sighed as I looked out the window across from us and saw Denise standing outside, still on her phone speaking to Damon. She was smiling and giggling like a school girl. He made her happy but he also made her depressed. He was like an addictive drug that she couldn't stay away from. She knew he was toxic, but I don't think she knew just how fucked up and toxic he truly was.
Shame, guilt, embarrassment, regret was all I felt as I thought back 4 years ago to that fateful afternoon.
