That was 4 years ago but it still felt like yesterday.
Things were never the same after that incident.
I kept avoiding Jacob and whenever he was able to get together with me I acted strange. I rarely spoke and wouldn't make eye contact with him. Everytime I looked at him, I thought about how badly I betrayed him with another man, my bestfriend's man at that. I started distancing myself from him more and more until he eventually got fed up. He took my distance from him as me not being fully in to our relationship and not appreciating his efforts to make me happy. He called the engagement off and we were officially over. Our breakup did me serious harm because I was madly inlove with Jacob and didn't want to lose him.
My friendship with Phylicia and Denise were no longer the same. I started distancing myself from them as well.
I was too disgusted with myself to be around Denise. What I did to her was out of my character. I wasn't the type to betray the people that I loved but I betrayed her in the most disgusting way. I wasn't the type to sleep with my bestfriend's man or have 3somes, those were 2 of the things I thought I would never do and I shocked myself when I ended up doing both that night
Jacob's break up mixed in with my betrayal towards him and Denise took a dangerous toll on me. I started battling with depression and having a lost of apetitie, causing me to starve myself to the point where I was starting to look like a twig.
I cringed thinking of those memories as I sat there with tears in my eyes, still holding Phylicia's hand as she looked down at the table in shame. Because of this secret I lost the love of my life: Jacob. Even to this day, I was still very much inlove with him.
I stalked his Instagram page all the time and I even still read our old text conversations in my old phone from time to time. I tried dating new people but it never worked, I could never get my mind off of Jacob. He still had my heart after all these years of us being broken up. I still got depressed sometimes thinking about how I threw our love away just to sleep with Damon.
I sighed.
"I just can't believe I got that drunk Candace. You know me and how much I love Denise. I would've never had done some thing so degrading had I been sober", Phylicia whispered, still looking down.
Hearing those words made me even more ashamed of myself because as mentioned before, I was sober, I didn't have a single drop of liquor. I couldn't use the "I was drunk" excuse to justify my actions. I did what I did while I was in my right mind, that made it even more sickening.
"There's no way we can let her marry him", I whispered.
She sighed.
"I know".
"Hey, what did I miss? Why yall crying? Is everything okay?", Denise asked as she stood there staring at us with concern.
We were so wrapped up in our conversation that we hadn't even notice Denise walking back to the table.
"We were just talking about her and Jacob. You know how she gets whenever it's his birthday or anniversary", Phylicia said, quickly making up something.
"It's okay Candace, it's been 4 years, you have to move on because he did. You can't keep beating yourself up about the break up", Phylicia fake consoled me, trying to look convincing to Denise.
Denise sat down next to me and rubbed my back.
"I know you're still not over Jacob, but remember that we're your friends and as long as you have us you're good", she smiled. She giggled and playfully nudged my side and I forced out a chuckle.
"I need to go to the rest room...I'll be back", Phylicia said in a sad tone, still beat up from our talk about the incident.
She scooted out of the booth and made her way down the hall to the lady's room. I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to get myself together.
