Luring the Dragon • Aemond Targaryen

The Cold Reception

'And she never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave...'

I was deeply aware that my emotions took the best out of me, and I tried to hold them tight for so long. It is not appropriate to act like a spoiled child and to yell when I feel injustice in my proximity. My mother used to insist on the importance of a clear judgment in an excruciating circumstance. In our first lesson, back in my childhood, she taught me to suppress my emotions, emphasizing the importance of unpredictability towards our opponents. She mentioned that the real political advantage was to be incomprehensible. I truly understood the logical manner of thinking behind this statement. However, I always considered that it is harmful to yourself. To live your life forced to deny your tenderness like it's a contagious illness is torture. Therefore, I am incapable of showing consideration for this lecture. I am well known for not being good at following instructions, especially when I consider them inconvenient for my situation.

The entire journey to Kings Landing was silent since my mother ignored me ostentatiously, still in a courteous manner. Also, my father avoided having a meaningful conversation with me, excepting some moments when he gave a few direction indications and requests, approaching the same treatment as my mother did. The only one who offered me some attention was Jace, who was cordial as usual, even though he knew about my previous altercation with our parents. Looking at Jacaerys was aching because his appearance reminded me of Luke. My brothers looked very much alike, with identical brown hair and hazel eyes, but Jace's features were more defined. Even though my sweet boy Luke was still a child, Jace already has turned into a handsome man. And I suddenly wondered why I did not even notice this until now. It was shameful to admit, but I neglected Jace all this time. I could keep lying to myself, believing that Luke was more vulnerable and needed more protection and attention. Perchance it was envy because Jacaerys was considered good enough to be declared hair, to my detriment. A deep sense of guilt weighed on me. I am a horrible sister.

I was the firstborn, but my mother never declared me the rightful heir. Instead, she considered Jace as a better alternative. I always wondered why my mother refused to come down in my favor. Maybe she saw in me frailty or incompetence that would lead our kingdom to damnation. Perhaps she had a gut feeling indicating that I could not handle such a burden. We never discussed her decision, and I never questioned her resolution. For all I know, I am not suited to rule, and I should owe her my absolute gratitude for giving me a chance for freedom. Unfortunately, hidden deep inside me, there is a side that cannot accept rejection. It is repulsive to feel this way about the hierarchy. It felt like treason to think about that. I am the one who should always defend my brother's right to rule. And even though I have no intention to dispute his position, I will be haunted for the rest of my life by one question: Why not me? No doubt, I am a terrible sister.

Upon our arrival, the soldiers from the king's guard greeted us, and I could notice the entire court prepared for the funeral. So many septons were rushing all over the place with grave faces. The lords and ladies were eager to give us their condolences. Not like they gave a damn about our despairing. The same people used to mock my little brother for being a frivolous bastard. Their hypocrisy made me sick, and I ceased my attempts to falsify my graciousness. They don't deserve any sign of kindness.  

'Rhaenyra, I am profoundly tearful for what happened to you and your family. It was a disturbing announcement, and I hoped until the last moment that is just a spiteful rumor meant to bring you sorrow.' the queen appeared suddenly, with her well-practiced righteousness, glancing at us with her cunning eyes. Her presence made me feel exceedingly uncomfortable. Comparatively, Jace was more settled and refined. He elegantly bowed in front of Alicen Hightower, revealing his humble smile. She looked unimpressed by his stainless etiquette and just forced a grin in his direction.