Fake Love

Feeling

Ohm Pov:)

     

       Before meeting Non I also feel like Often I feel invisible, like I’m a ghost. I watch my family engaging with each other, but feel like there’s an invisible barrier that keeps me from joining them,”

       Still I do feel like that sometimes like suddenly dark though around me I feel left out I also had this though that said to me" No one gonna understand you no one had time to solve my problem I can't trust anyone" I had my own trauma that I can't able get out of still know.

       But I want say one thing it's not that bad has before.

        Even though I was not fully out of this Trauma but I was not bad has before.

         It's like I feel better just after looking at Non on cabin in every morning I feel like I was safe my inner self feels relaxed which was something I was reaching for so long.

        The relationship between Non and myself was good but what I suprised was how my family easily loves Non after just a first meeting, Non was so close with my family which makes me happy but also envy at some point.

              After got to know about Non I was surprised how talented he was Non was fast learner, he was easily mingle with People, he was multitasker,he easily understand me without even words shared,he was good at cooking and he was also good singer which I was wondering how can he able to manage it.

      I got to know that by education wise Non was not perfect but out of it he was so perfect that sometimes I feel nothing in front of him.

         At start it was hard and awkward to both of us share a same space.

        We both are completely opposite in Every way.

      But after few months we starts to understand and know when to gave a space when it's needed.

        He knows about fully aware of my Trauma but I know he already had the clue about my mental stability.

        Even though I just want him to be my friend but I know no one accept it if I say just be my good friend I pay money for it and in outer point of you also it was not be any better so I gave him job which he doing really well, but we both not talking to each other about anything personally still I don't know many things about him like how he also have no idea about me.

          It's would be overstatement for someone if I say that I can manage over work but I can't manage simple things like understand other people and gave importance to them.

              That's why I still can't have a successful love life, cause I had unsecured I was scared of the reality I was not fine when someone asks me why you still staying single or when you gonna get married cause I myself not able understand that part so how can I answer them.

               I hate attention on me cause attention always cause me unwanted questions which I not have answer for any of it.

       I nightmares was not bad but still I had that sometimes.

      I still having a sleepless night but it just not but as before which was good.

        
            " Success means to have wealth which I have the life style I having which most of desire to have yes  But fulfilling relationships was always Failure for me "

    Experiencing loneliness or isolation was not new for me.

            Right now I feel do this loneliness which was my comfort but I just scared to be lost myself in this loneliness.

     I have many adminer my success but I do have haters.

          I was not big movie star or well known influencer but still I get small attention that itself depressing sometimes now a days I feeling like if Non was not there I would become unstable I can't able to control my dark thoughs that gave me headache.

          I don't want to depend on anyone by I can feel I starts to dependent on him which suprising that I was not uncomfortable with that.

        But what will happen if he also chose to live me.

       I just want to be my old self who find happiness in simple things who not care about comparing who was enjoying watching the rain who loves to enjoying spending time with my family who was so clueless about how harsh people can be who not gone through this Trauma.

         Hope one day I find who was I am really.